The Way To A Man's Heart Is Through The Ribs
by BlueOctopod
Summary: Fem!Naruto is adopted by Konoha's Torture and Interrogation Force. What starts out as a bad idea changes the world for the better. Features dark comedy and some blood and gore. There will eventually be Naruto/Sakura/Sasuke, if anyone doesn't like that ship I'd advise against reading this.
1. Chapter 1

She's heard the fox in her head since she could remember.

He was there from the start, he was there when the orphanage staff avoided her and the other children bullied her, he was there when they kicked her out with a sum of money and a barely habitable apartment.

Kurama told her the truth about her parents, told her who she was, why people spit at her when she crossed the street, why the adults feared her.

Kurama was the only friend she had, the only family she had.

That only encouraged her to do the exact opposite of what he wanted.

So when the nine tailed fox warns her away from the building she walks by each day, Naruto decides to investigate.

She slips in through a back window, barely managing to avoid the traps set into the stone, ignoring the Kyuubi snarling in the back of her head all the while.

"You know," Naruto starts, "if you don't tell me what's in here I'm gonna look."

 _Kits,_ the Kyuubi snarls, _shouldn't know._

Naruto makes sure he feels the mental shrug she sends his way before speaking.

"Well," she chirrups, "I guess I get to find out."

She pads through the halls on near silent feet, avoiding the doors marked with chakra, before finally finding one that's merely locked.

It only takes a few moments with the lockpicks she stole from a thief by the market for the door to open.

The room is occupied by a group of men clad in grey, one eating at the table while the others stand, engrossed in some conversation.

All heads turn to look at her.

"Hi!" Naruto beams, smirking inwardly as the fox rages, "I'm Naruto."

There's a pause before the one with a headwrap strides forward, face totally blank.

"Your face is blank," Naruto says before he can speak, "I wish I could do that."

He blinks before looking her over, eyes lingering at the whiskers on her cheeks before finally speaking.

"How'd you get in, kid?"

There's no anger in his voice, nothing but honest curiosity, so Naruto continues to smile.

"That way-" she points, "through the third window. Your traps are really good, I only got out of the way just in time."

The man turns to look back at his fellows, some silent communication going on, before he speaks again.

"Alright kid, I'll bite. Why'd you show up?"

She can't tell him about Kurama, the fox has drilled in the consequences of that, so Naruto settles for half the truth.

"I wanted to see what's inside."

"You snuck into a high security building, one protected by deadly traps, because you were curious?"

The man's sounds disbelieving but Naruto only beams back.

"Yep!"

"Well," the man speaks again, "You're looking at the headquarters for the Konoha Torture and Interrogation Force."

Naruto blinks as the fox begrudgingly explains just what torture is before nodding at him.

"Okay."

"Okay?" the man questions again.

"Yeah, okay. You hurt people so they give you information, right?"

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"Why would that bother me?" Naruto asks, honestly perplexed, "Shinobi kill people, why should it matter what you do to them before they die? Especially if it helps the village."

One of the men behind the one with the headwrap raises an eyebrow, stopping when Naruto leans to the side and gives him a cheerful wave.

"Can I see what you use to hurt them?" Naruto can feel the fox slam his head against the bars of his cage, but she ignores it in favor of giving the man her best innocent smile.

"That-" the man starts, staring at her with an emotion Kurama tells her is shock, "is not happening."

"Eh," Naruto shrugs, "It was worth a try."

The fox sighs again as Naruto cackles inwardly at the looks on their faces.

Naruto wants to ask more questions, wants to know how long it takes for a normal person to bleed out, wants to know everything.

But she's foiled when the man in the front steps forward and swings the door open again.

A pointed look from him and she smiles, tossing him a cheerful wave before running off.

She jumps out the window and scales the wall surrounding the building, smiling all the while.

"They seemed nice." Naruto finally ventures when she lands back on the street.

 _You have problems, kit_


	2. Chapter 2

Konoha was at peace, for however long that would last and his days were uneventful as they could be for a shinobi responsible for extracting information through means considered unseemly.

It's a surprise, then, to have the routine disrupted by the Kyuubi's container wandering in.

Not only wandering in, but saying she had gotten through the traps set around the building. He'd looked, the girl had left behind the faintest of footsteps, trail clear if you knew where to look. She'd expertly avoided the seals set into the wall and the physical traps on the ground with a skill no civilian should have.

Just what was the girl doing, to show a skill that had to be beat into genin?

He's pondering it on a particularly boring day when the door creaks open, a smiling little girl behind it.

They really need to update security if a civilian girl manages to get through their defenses. It's embarrassing, is what it is.

"Ibiki-san," the container beams at him.

He's ready to ask just who told her his name before the girl says something that makes him go silent.

"I need help." The fox brat says, climbing onto the desk and only smiling when he aims his best glare at her. (He'll admit, he's reluctantly impressed by a five year withstanding a look that made jounin cower.)

"I don't interrogate for little girls."

"No, no" the girl says, waving her hands, "I got accepted into the academy!"

Well, it looks like the Hokage is softer than he wants people to know. Ibiki is under no delusions, there's no way an orphan living alone should have the scores to be accepted.

"And?"

"And," the container continues, "I need you to tutor me."

What.

"What?"

"I know the teachers are gonna try to sabotage me."

"And why is that?"

The fox brat gives him a look that makes it clear she's questioning his intelligence.

"Everyone else hates me, why wouldn't the teachers do it too?"

Even for the kyuubi's container that's remarkably cynical.

"I don't have time for it, brat."

The girl rolls her eyes before leaning forward, legs swinging over the side of the desk.

"I don't need _you_. I just need someone from the team to look over my work and make sure the teachers aren't going to fail me automatically."

"And what," he asks, "do we get out of this?"

"Well," the girl drawls, "we both know Jiji is going to make sure I graduate. And we both know a badly trained shinobi is a disaster waiting to happen."

"So," the girl says, spreading her hands, "it's for the good of the village for me to be properly trained. And-" she continues, "Konoha isn't at war so you guys are stuck dealing with bad spies and traitors looking to make money."

Setting aside just how the girl knows this, she has a point. Still, he could pawn her off on one of the other teams and let them know the full force of Interrogation would come down on them if they failed.

Maybe it's boredom. Maybe it's the clever look in the girl's eyes.

Either way, he goes against everything he should do and reaches out a hand.

The fox brat's eyes light before she takes his hand.

And then she squeaks as he shoves her off the desk, tucking into a roll and scrambling to her feet.

"First lesson," Ibiki smirks, "always be prepared."

The girl smiles back, a knowing gleam in her eyes, before running back out on silent feet.

This is an incredibly bad idea, there's thousands of ways it could go wrong.

And yet he can't regret it.


	3. Chapter 3

_This is a terrible idea,_ the fox grumbles in her head, _this is a terrible, terrible idea._

Naruto ignores him as she's done for the past three months, climbing through the window and winding her way around the traps Ibiki-sensei set up. Two of them need to be neutralized, not avoided, so she gets to work disabling them before moving on.

The first one -is gone and she starts on the second-a nasty bit of genjutsu-when a voice calls out.

Naruto doesn't bother answering, focusing instead on disabling it before finally looking up.

It's one of the tutors Ibiki-sensei assigned her. He's one of the tutors that still won't tell her his name.

"I got a hundred on my last test," she singsongs, "I get my reward."

He takes the paper from the satchel she hands him, scanning through it quickly.

"It seems you do," the man comments mildly, lips twitching as Naruto beams at him.

"Come on, it's this way."

They wind through corridors-Naruto marking every exit route, every possible weapon like Ibiki-sensei taught her-before finally making it to the room.

Her reward is an extra special test, something none of her tutors will tell her about, as much as she bothers them. She can't wait to find out what it is.

They step through the door and she's hit by the heavy scent of blood. It nearly overwhelms her senses, enhanced by the Kyuubi as they are.

But she powers through, she doesn't cover her nose or look away from the mutilated body before her.

"This," her tutor says, pulling a stack of papers from his coat, "is the body of a missing-nin that attempted to assassinate the Hokage. Your task is to identify the cause of death."

Woah.

It's easy to want to point out the largest wound and go with that, but her tutors have taught her how the smallest of cuts can cause the most damage.

He hands her a set of scalpels without fanfare, widening his eyes as Naruto ignores the offered gloves in favor of touching it directly.

The body is a mess.

There's a gut wound still oozing blood, the eyes are pulled out of the sockets, thin pink strings hanging down, and the legs are broken. The skin on the arms is peeled apart, too, and Naruto decides to start there.

The cut is suspiciously clean, with no blood at all, and she puzzles over it. The stomach wound has blood, so why-oh. Oh, that makes sense.

It must have been done by one of the knives made for clean work.

Naruto moves to the eyes next, fingers pulling them out of their sockets with a snap of the strings. The pulling out was done after he died, she decides, studying the inside of the sockets.

She moves to the gut wound next, pausing as the scent of blood assaults her nostrils again. Kurama is suspiciously quiet.

But it's not the stomach wound, she can tell, so Naruto pauses, mind whirring, before it clicks.

If it's not any of the surface injuries, it has to be something inside.

Picking up the scalpel set, she runs a finger along the esophagus, frowning as the flesh ripples. There's nothing there.

She moves to the lungs next, but they're just lungs, just pink and wet.

The stomach is next when it finally clicks.

The man died in pain, that's obvious, but he died in pain without a poison leaving any trace in his lungs or stomach.

Naruto skips over the rest of the organs before waving her current teacher over.

"I know how he died." She beams.

"Oh?"

"The external trauma didn't kill him," she informs him, "and the lungs and stomach show no sign of poison."

"So," she says excitedly, waving the bloody scalpel, "there's only one organ left. One of you must have found a way to rupture the appendix, causing hours of pain before the body shut down."

Her tutor reaches out to ruffle her hair, smiling when she bats his hand away with her bloody ones.

"Now," her tutor claps his hands together, "since you passed, Mozuku has a live specimen for you to practice on."

"Come on," her tutor calls, "it's time to show off."


	4. Chapter 4

He'd been confused when the boss called them together and introduced them to the Kyuubi's container.

He'd thought Ibiki had snapped when the man informed them they would be teaching the container on their time off.

Judging by the looks exchanged by his fellows, he wasn't the only one.

"But," someone asks, "What about, you know?" gesturing in the direction of the tower outside

Yes, _you know_ would be furious if he found out the Kyuubi's container was being taught by Torture and Interrogation's finest.

"What the Hokage doesn't know won't hurt him." Their superior informs them. "And Naruto," the girl waves at them, "has already been briefed on the importance of secrecy.

"Moz," boss says, "you'll be handling the chakra training. You two-" Ibiki says, pointing at him and the recruit next to him "will be handling academics."

"Now get to work."

With that they're dismissed.

* * *

He has to admit, as the weeks go on, that the container is a charming kid.

She's clever, when sufficiently motivated, and definitely eager to learn. He'd never admit, and neither would any of the others, but he's pretty sure she's growing on him.

She comes to him with coldly determined eyes at the end of the first month, tugging on his pants and informing him she needs help.

Turns out a teacher failed her on her last two tests, despite her getting it right. Turns out the same teacher encouraged the kids to bully her, and turns out the bullying only got worse when she proved she could fight back.

Said teacher is visited by one of their finest and informed of the consequences of discrimination (and the even bigger consequences of telling anyone about the visit.)

Boss only gives him a knowing glance and a nod when he returns.

* * *

By the second month the kid is in the top percentage of her class. Not only that, her chakra lessons are advancing rapidly and she's quickly becoming used to fighting. The kid is doing wonderfully, and it's time for a change.

The council wouldn't like it, the Hokage would definitely disapprove, but what the higher ups don't know won't hurt them.

On the second month they start on the theoretical lessons. They're pulling together to teach the kid anatomy and how to apply those anatomy lessons. They're teaching the kid how to mix poisons and how to infiltrate an enemy hideout.

They show the kid dead bodies and describe their missions, making sure the kid knows the realities of shinobi world.

The kid soaks it all up like a sponge, and at the end of the second month he's startled to realize what he's feeling is pride.

* * *

At the start of the third month boss lets them know it's time to start the practical lessons.

He can't help it, he smiles when the kid identifies the cause of death in record time without showing a hint of fear or disgust.

They all knew the kid would pass, but he's still smiling when he hands her off to Mozuku

It's two hours later when Mozuku enters the boss's office and leaves shortly after, and he's not too proud to admit he's waiting outside. Not when three other members are waiting with him.

"So?" one of them finally asks.

Moz smiles.

"The kid was brilliant. The guy begged and pleaded and spun a story about his children and she ignored the entire thing. She identified every way to kill him discretely and finished him off with barely a flinch."

He breathes a sigh of relief, chuckling slightly as he notices the others do so too.

They're breaking so many laws by doing this, they're risking dire repercussions. But the kid has so much potential, and it'd be a shame to let it go to waste.


	5. Chapter 5

It's been nearly a year since she first started training with Ibiki-sensei and no one had commented.

The old man hadn't ordered them to stop, the council hadn't said anything-it was weird.

Either Jiji and the council are suddenly incredibly accepting of the Kyuubi container learning from torturers, or they still don't know.

Course, that raises the question of just how they don't. Naruto's good and getting even better under Ibiki-sensei's training, and that means she knows she's being followed.

ANBU, if she has to guess, as she darts into another dark alley and scales a wall. ANBU that she manages to regularly lose (she mourns for the state of Konoha's shinobi, she really does.)

Even if she can lose them, though, she's certain at least some have seen her enter the force's building.

That just raises the question of why no one knows.

Kurama whispers conspiracy, cover-up, and Naruto has to agree.

Someone wants her lessons to go undisturbed, the only thing she can't figure out is why. It can't be to get her in trouble, there's plenty of ways to do that without implicating her teachers. And it can't be to get them in trouble, not when the force already has so many dirty little secrets.

Ibiki-sensei frowns when she tells him that, a look in his eyes that lets her know his mind is whirring.

"Probably Danzo," he finally speaks up.

"Danzo?"

"ANBU head, involved in some seriously shady shit. Yes-" he adds when she snorts, "even for us. Don't know what his plan is, but it has to be something long term."

She really, really doesn't want to be a pawn in someone else's game.

But her teachers have taught her the value of patience, of being able to pinpoint just when to break the target.

If Sensei says to avoid him and let the plan continue, she'll do it.

* * *

Moz is sorting through the paperwork when the boss comes back in, a frown on his face.

"The kid's figured it out."

At Moz's look of incomprehension he sighs, muttering something about "recruits getting more and more oblivious."

"The kid knows she's being watched, and she knows someone that's not us is keeping the Hokage from finding out."

There's a pause, then-

"What would Danzo want with her?"

"I don't know," boss says, running a hand over his face, "and I don't like it. Danzo is a chess master and manipulator, I want him nowhere near her."

Ibiki raises a brow when Moz snickers, looking back down at the desk.

"What is it?"

"It's just," Moz pauses, wetting his dry lips before continuing, "you care about the kid. _We_ care about the kid. Shimon's already ordered her a set of expensive kunai for her birthday and Ton and Shin spend every other weekend break off helping her clean her apartment."

"I think," he starts with wry amusement, "I think we may have adopted a kid."

Boss looks at him for a moment before wheezing out words in between laughter bordering on the hysterical.

"At least-holy shit-at least the kid is learning."

"True," Moz agrees, "even if none of us should be allowed near children."

"Eh," Ibiki waves, "the kid isn't traumatized so far, we're doing pretty well."

"That's the opposite of a ringing endorsement."

"Don't you have paperwork to do?"

"Nah, finished it a few minutes ago.

There's a pause, then, "Looks like you get to go over chakra exercises with the kid."

That's nothing but a punishment, with the way the kid loves explosives and fire.

"Sure thing, _tou-san_."

He ducks out the door, dodging the kunai boss sends his way and slips into the hallway.

If they have to adopt a kid, he's okay with this one.


	6. Chapter 6

The first time she meets Naruto, Sakura doesn't know what to think.

Her parents had warned her away from the girl without telling her why, so Sakura was tempted to believe there's something horribly wrong with her.

She expects Naruto to be snarling and mean and cruel.

The Naruto she meets is neither of those things.

The girl's a ball of sunshine, always quick with a joke and a smile. It's hard to imagine Naruto doing anything horrible enough to scare people. And Sakura's not stupid, she's seen the way people look at Naruto, the mixture of fear and disgust.

No, Naruto is pretty and nice and smart and Sakura desperately wants to be her friend.

The girl's not like Ino and the others, she's not likely to mock Sakura for her crush or make fun of her hair, but she's still afraid.

She's stuck watching the girl, unable to say anything, until they get partnered for a project.

Naruto smiles at her and Sakura panics, ends up rambling facts from the book and ideas she's come up with.

Sakura flushes once she realizes what she's doing, expecting the other girl to smirk or make fun.

She doesn't expect the look of awe on Naruto's face.

"Wow," the other girl exclaims, "you're really smart."

Her blush only gets worse at that.

"Hey," Naruto asks once they're done, "can you keep a secret?"

"If I want to" Sakura replies, surprised into saying the first thing that comes to her mind.

"Meet me at the gate after school" Naruto practically orders, shooting her a smile before going back to watching Iruka-sensei.

* * *

Naruto's waiting for her by the gate, bouncing on the balls of her feet, and the girl shoots her a look of surprise when she sees her.

"I didn't think you'd come" the girl says, and that makes Sakura's heart hurt. Naruto is pretty and charming, she should have friends, she shouldn't be surprised by Sakura following through.

Then she's surprised by Naruto scaling the wall they're next to effortlessly, swinging herself onto the roof before grinning down at Sakura.

She's torn from her gaping when Naruto reaches out a hand.

"Come on, we're taking the roofs."

She's never done anything like this before, but Sakura nods and tries to copy Naruto.

She ends up with scrapes and bruises by the end, but Naruto is smiling wide at her and she's finding it hard to care.

"Follow me," Naruto tells her, and then they're off.

The girl scales walls and runs across rooftops like she's a cat, like she's a full blown shinobi.

Sakura does her best to follow, feeling a flush of shame when she realizes Naruto is purposely going slow for her.

They must make a funny picture though, she thinks, one girl practically flying on silent feet and the other scrambling behind her on too loud steps.

They make it to an alley and Naruto slides down, reaching up a hand to catch Sakura when she falls trying to copy her.

"Where are we going?" she finally asks.

"We're going to T and I" Naruto calls over her shoulder before hurrying on ahead.

"What's T and I?"

"The Konoha Torture and Interrogation Force" Naruto informs her cheerfully, seemingly unaware of Sakura nearly tripping behind her.

"What? Why?"

"Because my teachers are there!"

Sakura has a feeling the other girl isn't talking about the ones from school.

She watches as Naruto goes ahead and disables a spike trap hidden on the ground. Awe and jealousy start to mingle as the girl goes ahead and disables seals hidden in the walls and floors, as the girl dodges traps in the corridors with the ease of long practice.

"Ibiki-sensei! Mozuku-sensei!" Naruto exclaims.

Sakura's left gaping as a pair of kunai and and a handful of senbon are thrown towards Naruto faster than she can track, and she actually gasps when Naruto reaches up and catches them without a flinch.

Naruto tosses them back and reaches behind her to pull Sakura forward, grinning all the while.

"This is Sakura!"

"Hello," she stammers, "Ibiki-san and Mozuku-san."

The man in the headwrap-Ibiki, she thinks-looks at Sakura and lets out a sigh, while the other one hides a snicker behind his hand.

"Naruto," the one in the headwrap asks, "what is this?"

He looks at Sakura intently and she fights the urge hide behind the other girl.

"Sakura's really smart and talented and I thought you guys could teach her too!"

Wait, what? Naruto likes them and they like Naruto, but Sakura doesn't want to learn to torture.

"Did you even tell the kid what we're teaching you?"

The man sighs again when Naruto shakes her head before turning to look at Sakura.

"We've been teaching the kid poison and anatomy, training her in various types of jutsu, and we've been doing practical lessons. But-" he continues, "we're only doing it for Naruto. We're not taking on anymore kids."

Sakura narrows her eyes. Naruto is way ahead of everyone else in certain subjects. Naruto has a head start, she's overheard the teachers talking about how the blonde girl shows gennin level talent. If they're helping Naruto, Sakura wants to be just as good too.

"No," Sakura says with her head raised, "you're going to teach me."

"Really?" the man in back asks, "and why is that?"

"Because people don't like Naruto. People don't like Naruto, so they definitely won't like the Force training her. So, you agree to train me and I don't go to the council and tell them what you're doing."

There's a moment of silence, Naruto's grin taking on a wicked edge, before Ibiki-san speaks.

"Blackmail?"

Sakura nods, she refuses to back down.

"Alright," he nods, "We'll see what you're capable of. But we're not like the academy, we're not going to hold back or tell you lies."

"Now come on," he tells her, already moving out the door, "we're going to see how talented you really are."


	7. Chapter 7

It's a week in when Sakura gets a look at just what Naruto's family (because they are family, she's seen they way they look at the girl) does for a living.

They've just finished sparring, and Sakura is on the ground panting when Naruto leans over and asks if she wants to watch someone being tortured.

She stares for a moment, certain her new friend couldn't have just said that, but Naruto repeats herself.

"Why?"

"You want to be a shinobi, right? You'll be even further ahead if you know about the darker parts of shinobi life...at least that's what Ibiki-sensei says."

There's only one way she should respond to that.

But Sakura wants to be better than Ino and the rest and Sakura likes having her first friend. If that means a few minutes of doing her best not to throw up before excusing herself, she's willing to give it a shot.

"Okay."

Naruto beams, leading her way through the corridors and into a room with a window looking into another room.

"One way mirror," Naruto explains, "we can see in but they can't see out."

"Who is it?"

"Masashi Oda, a traitor that's been selling secrets to Iwa. It shouldn't take long, sensei says the traitors that do it for money are always the easiest to break."

Sakura watches as the man denies and continues to deny it until Ibiki-sensei throws a stack of papers at his feet.

The man's story twists and changes, and Sakura can tell each version is nothing but a lie, while Ibiki stares him down.

Finally her friend's sensei picks up a knife, and Sakura flinches as he raises one of the man's legs and cuts into his thigh.

"Hamstrings," Naruto speaks up, "keeps them from moving too much."

Sakura doesn't flinch when he picks up a hammer and slams it into the man's fingers.

She should feel horrified, she should feel disgusted. But instead she wants to know just when and how he'll break.

The man's still refusing to talk, though, so his fingernails follow next.

That one prompts a story with too many holes to be the truth, and Sakura shakes her head without realizing it.

The man finally breaks when Ibiki-sensei starts to scoop out his eyes. There's screaming and begging and Sakura just leans forward to get a closer look.

He spills everything-the drop off locations, the names of his accomplices, the man in Iwa he reports to.

A gleaming knife is up against his throat and she watches as it sinks into the flesh.

"Cutting the carotid arteries? That's messy" Sakura finds herself commenting without thinking.

"True," Naruto agrees, "but he mentioned he needed to test the new knives."

Sakura finds herself tilting her head, studying the scene before her.

There's a lot of blood, a spray of blood on the floor and blood still spurting from the neck of body.

She thinks she's supposed to feel horrified, or at least a bit disturbed at seeing a man tortured and killed in front of her.

She's not though, instead she's wondering just what it'll feel like when she kills, wondering if she'll ever be the one with a set of tools and a prisoner.

* * *

They slip out into the corridor and end up running straight into Mozuku-sensei.

He looks at Naruto and then the door, pressing his lips together.

"Kid, you don't make friends by inviting them to watch someone being tortured."

"No, no," Sakura starts, "it was actually really interesting."

"What?" he asks, disbelief obvious.

"Severing the hamstrings without too much blood was brilliant, and the bone breaking was immaculate and I never knew there was so much blood in the carotid arteries! I have some ideas involving mutilation of the legs and face and I was wondering if you'd tried-"

Mozuku-sensei is looking at her weirdly.

"How about we talk about it later?" he finally says, "for now you need to go home."

He doesn't seem mad or disappointed, so Sakura nods and turns to follow Naruto out.

She doesn't know what, but she has the feeling something big has happened.

* * *

"The kid took her new friend to watch you interrogate the traitor selling secrets to Iwa."

"I'm sorry," boss says, "but I think I just heard you say the kid made her new friend watch someone getting tortured."

"Yeah, that's about it."

Boss sinks into his seat, muttering "fuck, Naruto" and pressing a hand to his face.

"Kid isn't traumatized though."

"Oh?"

"Nah, the new friend was practically gushing over your work. She also wanted to tell me about some ideas she came up with."

"So," Ibiki starts, "you're telling me our kid just happened to befriend a civilian brat with psychopathic tendencies and a sadistic streak? A kid that also thinks our kid is the best person in the world?"

"Pretty much."

Boss chews at his lip for a moment.

"Mark Haruno Sakura down as a potential candidate for training and introduce her to some of the lighter work. I'm not letting someone like that go to waste."

"Sure thing, boss."

Moz shakes his head on the way out, reluctantly amused. Only Naruto could stumble onto the ideal candidate because she wanted to be friends with them.


	8. Chapter 8

Sarutobi Hiruzen had been having a good day. The political situation was stable, the unrest with the Uchihas was currently at a standstill, and all the reports on Naruto reported she was doing well.

Exceptionally well, even, and he was wondering over that, though he had to admit he was more focused on the girl actually managing to make a friend.

Yes, Naruto was well, the village was well, everything seemed to be going fine.

Of course that peace couldn't last.

His good day took a rapid turn for the worst when the secretary passed him a report marked as urgent from the Torture unit.

Said report requested formal approval to train Uzumaki Naruto and Haruno Sakura in practical applications of jutsu arts. He could read between the lines, he knew they were asking permission to teach the girls how to torture and kill.

It hits him, then, just why Naruto's doing so well in school. He doesn't want to believe it, but if anyone can convince T&I to shirk their duties, it's that girl.

And, even worse, none of the ANBU reports mentioned it. It was obviously Danzo, and even worse he could do nothing about the man without completely disrupting the current political system. No, he was stuck watching the man plot.

At least he can deny the request and keep this nonsense from going any further.

He doesn't expect Morino Ibiki, of all people, to show up in his office the next day.

"Hokage-sama," the man bows, seemingly unperturbed, and Hiruzen resists the urge to yell at him.

"Please," he says, poisonously polite, "explain to me why the jinchuuriki and a civilian child have been under your care? Furthermore, explain to me why you submitted a formal request for training?"

"Hokage-sama," Ibiki starts again, "both girls are undergoing chakra training and show admirable talent in the use of basic jutsu. They are both intelligent, adaptable, and have the perfect psychological profile for a potential career in my department."

"Oh?"

"Uzumaki Naruto is slow to anger, quick on the uptake, and able to easily analyze a situation from multiple angles. It may be the kyuubi's presence in her, but she is also more likely than most to detect when someone is lying. She shows no discomfort when exposed to violence or the more darker aspects of our work."

"And the civilian?"

"Haruno Sakura is intelligent, medically minded, and creative when asked to solve problems. Also, despite her tendencies, she is remarkably mentally grounded."

Hiruzen can read between the lines, he knows what that means.

Naruto is fine with inflicting pain and the other girl enjoys causing it.

He wants to refuse on principle, doesn't want to expose Minato's daughter to this part of their life, doesn't want to have to placate a pair of civilian parents.

But unrest is brewing, anyone in the know can see it, and they need more shinobi like Ibiki in the years to come.

"I will allow training and teaching with at least one ANBU operative supervising. In addition, the girls will be not be apprenticed to the department if they complete the academy. They will be given the choice of joining after making chuunin, and not a moment before. Am I understood?"

"Of course."

The man disappears in a swirl of leaves, and Hiruzen is left looking down, wondering just what Minato would think.


	9. Chapter 9

Kurama had been quieter, more at peace almost, since she and Sakura had started training.

The fox snorts when she sends a questioning thought his way, as though he expected her to figure it out already.

 _You engage in violence and see death on a daily basis, kit. Whatever your reasons for doing it, you sate the hunger my condition gives me._

 _So I'm helping you?_

 _You could say that._

Naruto pushes a rush of love and warmth towards him, smiling when he growls half-heartedly and retreats back to his side of her mind.

She turns her attention back to the lesson, though her focus slips soon enough. Ibiki-sensei's already covered what the current teacher is telling them, albeit in much more detail and way more bluntly.

Her gaze wanders, stopping to smile at Sakura before moving over the rest of the class.

There-a mop of black hair and a scowl.

Naruto's heard about the situation with the Uchihas-from asking directly and eavesdropping whenever she can.

She knows it'll come to a boiling point soon enough, though how it will end is anyone's guess.

Naruto should stay away from him. She should wait for the coming conflict with the clan to resolve itself.

But Naruto's never been good at following the rules, and she likes what she sees in him.

He's top of the class, sure, but there's something else-something she can't quite explain.

It's the same thing she sees in Sakura and herself, the same thing that comes out when they hold a knife.

"Come on," Naruto whispers to Sakura once the lunch bell rings, making her way to Sasuke and dropping into the seat next to him.

"Sasuke-kun," she chirps, "how're you doing?"

The Uchiha boys blinks at her, like he's trying to place who she is, before it clicks.

"Why are you here, Naruto? Sakura?" he asks, turning his gaze between her and his former fangirl.

"We want to be your friends" she tells him, smiling wider at the look of confusion on his face.

"You have nothing to gain," he eventually tells them. "I know you are apprenticed in Torture and Interrogation, the Uchiha name will not open anymore doors."

She pouts before knocking her shoulder against his, smiling when he doesn't flinch back.

"Of course I know that! We want to be friends because you're _you_."

"Why?" the boy snaps out, patience growing thin, and Naruto smiles. Finally the mask of politeness is off.

"You're like us" Sakura speaks up then.

"And how" the boys says, disdain dripping from his words, "am I like you?"

Naruto settles down before criss-crossing her legs and leaning back onto her hands.

"You're a clan kid, you have to have held a blade by now."

"And?"

"Doesn't it feel good?" Naruto presses, "doesn't it feel good to sink it into something? To finish a spar and have your opponent at your feet?"

"Sasuke," Naruto says, "it feels good to hurt people, doesn't it?"

The boy pales.

"A shinobi takes pride in his work and nothing more," Sasuke insists.

"But you don't" Naruto counters. "It's more for you. You want more. You want to watch someone's blood flow over your hands. You want to make someone scream, don't you? You want to cause pain, you want to pull them apart and break them into little pieces."

Sasuke stares at her, breath caught, but makes no effort to move.

"I'm like that," Naruto nods at Sakura, "Sakura's like that."

"Sasuke," she starts, reaching out a hand and touching his shoulder, "there's nothing wrong with that."

"But-" he starts but doesn't finish.

"We've done it," Naruto continues, "we've broken people. We've broken their minds and their bodies, we've followed it up by killing them."

"And Sasuke?"

"Yes?" the boy breathes.

"It's even better than you imagined."

He stares as Naruto stretches out her hand, waiting patiently for his answer.

"Friends?"

Hesitantly, as though she'll fade away, Sasuke reaches out.

"Friends."


	10. Chapter 10

Umino Iruka liked to consider himself a thoughtful, reasonable man, the kind of man that examined both sides of the issue before making a decision.

This view of himself is the only that keeps him from striding into T&I headquarters and punching Morino Ibiki in the face when word gets out that the man is training Naruto.

Iruka looked over the reports (after calling in a few favors.) He knows in this case training involves torturing.

Still, he prided himself on being a logical man, one that didn't rush into things.

So he doesn't indulge himself and try to punch that Morino bastard.

Instead he goes straight to the source: Uzumaki Naruto.

"Naruto, we need to talk after class."

The girl nods and doesn't rise when the final bell rings, instead waving off Sakura and Sasuke when they linger at the doorway.

Iruka would be proud of her for making friends, he would. Except he can't be proud, because one friend is being trained with her and the other has a father that will kill him when word gets out that his youngest son is socializing with Ibiki's newest recruits.

"What is it, sensei?" the girl asks, beaming up at him.

Iruka pauses at that, because for all his talk about being thoughtful he has no idea how to start.

He wants to ask her just what the fuck she thinks she's doing, but he's not about to curse in front of a child.

"Naruto," he eventually starts, "how long have the shinobi at T&I been training you?"

"Eh," the girl scrunches up her face in thought, "about a year? They only made it formal a few months ago."

A year. A year Naruto's been learning from Torture and Interrogation's finest and he hasn't noticed. A fucking year!

He pushes aside the guilt he feels for not noticing the change and focuses back at the task at hand.

"And why," he asks, "did they start training you in the first place?"

"Well-" she says, and Iruka already knows he's not going to like this, "I found the building and got in because I wanted to know what was inside."

"You...you wanted to know what was inside?"

"Yep! And Ibiki-sensei and the others were nice when I visited, so I figured they could help. You see, I knew you wouldn't try to sabotage me, but I figured the other teachers would."

The girl has a point. Still, how did it go from academics to torture?

"And how did it move from academics to killing and torturing?" he asks, doing his best to stay calm.

He clenches his teeth when Naruto shrugs.

"I don't know? They knew I wanted to be a shinobi and I guess they wanted me to have a head start? Doesn't matter anyway, it's fun."

"Fun?"

"Yeah," the girl nods enthusiastically, "it's fun. I like sparring and learning about poisons and practicing my seals. Taking people apart and killing them is really easy too.

The little girl with the sun bright smile and shining blue eyes likes these things, finds them easy.

He knows he's going to regret asking, but- "And how does Sakura fit into all this?"

She shrugs again.

"I could tell, you know? I could tell she was like me. And she's really smart and talented and I thought it would be nice to have someone else learning with me."

A kindred spirit. That's why Sakura is learning from them, that's why the hokage had to placate angry civilians. Naruto wanted a friend like her.

He digs the heel of his palm into his forehead, ignoring Naruto's concerned gaze.

"Anyways" the girl switches topics, "it's not like I'm going to drop out or anything."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, Jiji said we could train only if we waited until being made chuunin to make a choice about what we'd do. So we'll still be on a genin team and still take the exams."

Huh. That's actually better than he had hoped. He doesn't know about Sakura, but he knows Naruto craves adventure and action. She's sure to find active missions more exciting than a life spent at T&I.

Still-

"Naruto, for the sake of my sanity, please do one thing."

"Of course, sensei."

"Please, please don't drag Sasuke into T&I with you."

Iruka startles at the sudden silence before looking down into guilty eyes.

Oh, fuck.


	11. Chapter 11

He dreams of blood coating the ground, coating his hands red. He dreams of mother and father screaming, of sharingan eyes spinning until all he can see is the red and black.

He dreams of blood and destruction and wants to rip himself apart.

Sasuke stirs from another nightmare when he feels a warm body jostle against him. He steadies himself, exhausted and injured as he is, he's still willing to attack, before opening his eyes.

It's only Naruto, and he breathes in a relieved sigh before another body settles on his other side.

He blinks sleep blurred eyes at Sakura, who's wrapped an arm around his side and is cuddled close to him.

Naruto starts petting his hair then, and he thinks he should protest. But it feels safe, it feels comforting, so he doesn't bother moving.

"Hey," Naruto speaks up, "do you wanna talk?"

There's no pity in her eyes, no demands to know what happened, just honest compassion.

"No," he says, "I don't."

The girl nods and then settles back into his side, her arm curled around his neck. It should feel suffocating, it should set off his instincts.

It's not. He feels safe, safe in a way he never thought he'd be since-since it happened.

Sasuke settles down onto the hospital bed. He falls asleep to the sounds of monitors beeping and the soothing warmth of his friends settled against him.

* * *

"What a mess" one of the junior ANBU recruits mutters, and Ibiki doesn't bother reprimanding them for unprofessional behavior.

He's not gonna reprimand them when mess is an understatement. Clusterfuck is more accurate.

There's bodies strewn everywhere, the bodies of men and women and children, bodies torn apart and tossed like ragdolls.

Even the most hardened ANBU recruits have brought hands over their noses in a futile attempt to mask the stench of death.

He turns away from the body of a small child, mouth open in a silent scream and blood dripping from the gash across her neck, doing his best to suppress the image of Naruto in her place that his mind conjures.

They've cataloged the bodies, every single one. They've assigned cause of death and names to every one, even the infants held in mothers' arms.

Only two are missing. Uchiha Sasuke is in the hospital, monitored by nearly every doctor and nurse there. Uchiha Itachi-Uchiha Itachi has fled.

Fuck, he really doesn't want to have to question a kid with a slaughtered family. He really, really doesn't want to add traumatizing a child to the list of reprehensible things he's done.

At least the boy has Naruto and Sakura for him.

* * *

Naruto wakes to Ibiki-sensei standing over them, an amused look on his face as he gazes down at the pile they've settled into.

She raises an eyebrow back like she's been practicing, pretending she doesn't see the humor.

He tilts his head towards Sasuke and she nods, she knows what has to be done, even if she doesn't like it.

"Sasuke," she raps her knuckles against his chest, "Sasuke, Ibiki-sensei is here."

The boy blinks awake with bloodshot eyes, settling himself against the pile of pillows behind him. Sakura wakes up at the movement, blushing and withdrawing her hand from his torso when she notices Ibiki's gaze.

"Kid," he doesn't even bother for trying to stay professional, not in this case. "Kid, we need to talk about what happened."

Sasuke tells the story in short sputtering bursts, Naruto and Sakura taking turns to wrap an arm around him every time he chokes up.

Ibiki-sensei closes his eyes and takes a deep breath once the boy finishes.

"I thought as much. Naruto?"

"Yeah?"

"The doc will be around in a few minutes. Just-just keep him calm while you wait, alright?"

"Of course."

Ibiki-sensei's footsteps have faded when Sasuke speaks again.

"I can't stay there."

"What?" Sakura asks, settling back into his side again.

"I can't stay where they died."

"Come live with me" Naruto blurts out.

"What?"

"Live with me" she repeats. "My apartment's small but it'll fit us."

He blinks, licks his lips, before smiling at her.

It's a broken thing, a trembling thing offset by the tears lurking in the corners of his eyes, but Naruto smiles back. It's a start.


	12. Chapter 12

Anko had known Morino Ibiki for years. She'd seen him at his worst and his best, she was sure she knew every side of him.

She can't say it's a surprise when she hears about the fox's container and the civilian girl being recruited. The man's always had a pragmatic streak, always done what he thinks is necessary. If he picked those kids she has no doubt they're talented.

What is a surprise, is walking into T&I and seeing three children sitting around a table in one of the break rooms.

The container is leaning against her chair, expression animated and arms moving rapidly. The Uchiha-and that's definitely a shock-is listening intently, while the pink haired girl ignores them in favor of reading a book.

She blinks, taking in the strangely domestic scene, before stepping through the threshold.

"Anko-san" the jinchuuriki beams, "what are you doing here?"

The other girl-Sakura, she thinks that's her name-looks up from her book, while the Uchiha folds in on himself.

"Just stopping by" she manages after a moment of shock, "what're you doing?"

"We're taking a break," the boy says, so quiet she can barely hear him. "Naruto just finished her fuinjutsu lesson and I'm waiting for my genjutsu lesson. Sakura already finished her anatomy lesson, so she's already starting her homework."

"I have to break the missing nin they brought in yesterday, you know that. If I do Ibiki-sensei will let me skip the lesson on history next week."

"Ugh," Naruto grows, "those lessons are so boring!"

"They have a purpose, you know" the Uchiha starts. "We're supposed to learn from the past."

"Learning from history is easy!" the girl fires back. "It's simple: make sure you don't kill the wrong people. That's all there is to it, we shouldn't have to spend hours on it every week."

"I'll be sure to make sure Ibiki-sensei knows your opinion" the boy replies with a hint of mischief.

"You wouldn't" the jinchuuriki challenges, eyes narrowed.

"Would too."

"Would not."

"Would too."

"Would not-"

"Hey!" Anko interrupts, "what're you talking about?"

"It's simple," Sasuke starts, "if we complain about our classes we have to spend a day practicing taijutsu."

"A day?"

"Twelve hours if he's feeling generous, twenty four hours if he's not."

"And he never feels generous" the blonde interrupts.

"Not true" Sakura counters, "when I was sick I got to go home after eleven hours."

"That's just cause you threw up on his shoes!"

"You threw up on his shoes?" Anko asks, not bothering to hide the giggle in her voice.

"Yeah, she did."

There's a pause, then-

"Do you have any other stories?"

* * *

He's spent the entire day being stuck with a feeling of foreboding.

Ibiki listens to that feeling, he's alive because of that feeling, so he spends the entire day on his toes.

The feeling gets stronger and stronger and then-

And then he opens the door to the breakroom.

Anko and Naruto are locked in an arm wrestling contest that Sakura's abandoned her book in favor of watching, while Sasuke's eating a bento very clearly marked with Mozuku's name.

"Hey!" Anko calls, "your kids are great!"

He'd like to protest. He'd like to say they aren't his kids.

But the force has been planning a party for Naruto's birthday for months and Sakura spends more time here than at home and he just spend four hours with a psychiatrist going over how to help Sasuke deal with his trauma.

He knows it's a lost cause. Besides, the doctor made it clear Sasuke needed to feel like he belonged after losing his family. Being rejected by his sensei wouldn't do the kid any favors.

Anko's smiling at him, momentarily distracted, and Naruto uses that moment of inattention to slam the woman's hand into the table.

"Yes!" the blonde yells while Sakura laughs and Sasuke smiles fondly.

No, the force definitely adopted them.


	13. Chapter 13

Shino hesitates to say he's lonely. He has cousins in the clan, he has people he can depend on. But it still hurts when his classmates flinch away, when the girls in class whisper among themselves about the creepy bug boy.

He wants friends desperately, wants someone to talk to, but none of his classmates are interested or willing to talk to the bug freak.

At least, he thinks that until the trio settle across from him at lunch.

The three top students in the class, the psychopaths, he's heard all the whispers. He's heard how the teachers don't call them by name when talking to each other, opting to just say the trio or _them_ instead.

Shino would never admit it but the trio creeps him out.

It's a subtle thing, a warning skittering around the edges of his mind, but he listens to it.

"Hey, Shino" Naruto beams. He tries to smile back.

"Hey, Naruto."

"Sasuke was wondering if you want to get dango with us after class."

He blinks at the Uchiha, noticing how she tends to speak for him, before shrugging. "Sure."

It's nice, he decides, sitting out in the sun and eating dango with them.

Sasuke draws him into a conversation about taijutsu styles that Naruto soon interrupts with a question about the homework and he finds himself having an animated conversation with the girl about practical theories.

He's stunned when one of the beetles scurries out his skin and none of them are shocked or frightened. Instead Sakura actually holds out a hand, smiling when it skitters onto her and watching it run across her arm.

"They're beautiful" the girl comments and Shino flushes red.

"Thank you."

When they've finished eating Sasuke speaks up, voice whisper quiet, and asks if he wants to meet with them again.

"That," he pauses, "that would be nice."

"Great!" Naruto shouts before tugging on Sasuke and leading him off, Sakura jogging to catch up with her.

He comes home with a smile on his face and father asks what happened over dinner.

"I think I made friends." Shino admits, turning his attention to the table.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Naruto and Sasuke and Sakura."

He misses how Shibi startles.

* * *

They give Kiba the creeps.

Sure, Naruto is cheerful and bright and Sakura is nice and helpful. Hell, Sasuke is funny once he's convinced to crack a joke, even if his humor is dry as the desert.

But Naruto and Sasuke are always paired together during sparring lessons because they inevitably hurt someone else too bad. Naruto sent Neji to the hospital for gods sake.

Sakura is even worse, somehow her knowing so much more about anatomy than everyone else, someone her calling out which parts will hurt the most during spars is even scarier.

He doesn't like the way Naruto smiles, how Sakura looks at everyone like she's mentally dissecting them, how Sasuke treats everyone but the two girls with a cold disdain.

He tells mom about it one day, hesitant to admit he's scared, and he's surprised when she doesn't dismiss him.

"You have good instincts," she tells him. "I don't want to say there's anything wrong with them, but..."

"But what?"

"But they're training in Torture and Interrogation, and you have to be a certain kind of person to stomach that work."

Tsume pauses and Kiba blinks, surprised at his mother actually thinking over her words before she speaks.

"I'm not telling you to befriend them, and I'm not telling you to avoid them, but make sure they know you respect them. They're a little wrong in the head, but they'll make good shinobi and good comrades."

* * *

Naruto is incredible. She's pretty and smart and unafraid, she never backs down even if it means she'll get in trouble.

Hinata finds herself blushing when the other girl compliments her work, when Naruto corrects her form during practice.

Neji thinks it's silly, thinks she's being a fan girl, but thankfully he doesn't say anything to her father. No, Hiashi doesn't know his daughter likes one of the top kunoichi in her class.

Hinata's content not to talk to her, to just watch from afar, until Naruto smiles at her before class and sits down next to her.

"Hey Hinata" the other girl says, leaning back on her hands and shooting a grin her way.

She freezes, scrambling for something to say, screaming at herself to respond, before being jolted into action by Neji snickering beside her.

"H-Hi Naruto" she says, cursing how her voice squeaks.

"Do you want to hang out after class? We don't have training today and it'd be cool if you came."

She blinks, wondering just who's training the trio, before responding.

"Th-that sounds like fun."

"Cool!" Naruto exclaims, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Shino's coming too, if that's okay."

"Oh, um, sure." She doesn't really like Shino, doesn't like the way he stares or how he never talks, but she can manage. If it means getting to spend time with Naruto she can definitely deal with it.


	14. Chapter 14

Naruto hadn't impressed him. Sure, she was one of the top students, but that didn't mean much. He assumed she was profiting off her friendship with Haruno to get grades that good. Neji assumed she was leeching off Sakura, because how could she not? How could someone that spent their time in class dozing off or talking get such good grades?

Neji assumed she was mediocre at best, hopeless at worst.

It took landing in the hospital to have it sink in that maybe, just maybe, Uzumaki Naruto was more than she appeared.

It had been their first real taijutsu lesson, the first one where they were allowed to spar with each other without holding back, and for the first time he had been paired with Naruto.

He admits he goaded her, called her stupid, called her an orphan, insulted her-he wanted to see what she would do. But none it worked, not until he made the mistake of insulting Sakura.

To be honest, he barely remembers what happened, she moved so fast.

A fist in his chest to knock the wind out of him, a kick that swept his legs in the air while he was recovering, and a few punches to the face to follow it up while he lay on the ground.

Neji remembers staring up at the sky, feeling the blood trickle down his lip and his nose crunch when he touched it, he remembers blinking as the blurry face of Iruka-sensei crouched over him.

It's half the concussion and half shock that keeps it from sinking in that Uzumaki Naruto managed to best him for several hours. Not only best him, the Hyuuga prodigy, but beat him down. This clanless orphan did what no other child had done for years.

He _has_ to find out who made her so terrifying.

* * *

The Trio are a puzzle, one Shikamaru fully intends on solving.

He's a genius, he's noticed the little things about them.

Shikamaru watches as Sakura smiles when someone gets hurt during practice, how Sasuke always suggests the most ruthless solution during scenario training, how Naruto fights like she was born for it.

Even better, though, Shikamaru listens.

He hears Naruto talk about how 'totally awesome' someone named 'Ibiki-sensei' is. He hears when Sasuke tells the girls he's almost finished perfecting the poison. He hears when Sakura recounts, in graphic detail, breaking a man's legs and healing him then breaking them again.

Shikamaru knew there was something off about Sakura, it was obvious if you actually looked-not that anyone ever did-but he didn't expect Sasuke and Naruto to nod along.

Sasuke asks if she put anything in the wounds, Naruto makes suggestions, and he starts to feel a little sick as they get more and more graphic. He knows he'll have to kill as a shinobi, but he doesn't know if he has the stomach to actually go through with any of their suggestions.

Their stories are too detailed, too real, to be anything but truth. It's tempting to assume they're just picking off random civilians, but he doesn't think so.

Not with the way Iruka-sensei's lips purse and brow furrows whenever this Ibiki man-the name sounds familiar but he can't quite place it-is mentioned.

Iruka-sensei won't answer if he asks, that much is obvious, so he turns to plan B.

'Stalks' is too strong a word for what he does, 'following' would be more accurate, though he knows most would disagree.

Whatever you'd call it, the next day finds him standing in the shadows outside the academy, watching them walk away.

It's almost embarrassing. Nara don't do work, they get others to do it for them. But here he is, following them through the winding streets.

It takes a good fifteen minutes before they stop in front of a building he recognizes.

He's _heard_ about what goes on in Torture and Interrogation.

Shikamaru's mind works quickly, sorting through the clues as the trio stops outside the door.

The final piece of the puzzle slots into place when he finally remembers his father talking about this Ibiki with some of the other jounin.

Inwardly he curses himself for being so slow, for not figuring it out sooner.

It's frighteningly obvious now.

No wonder they're so skilled, no wonder they have no regard for human suffering.

He turns away to head home-

"Hey!"

A pause, and then he looks back to see Naruto cheerfully waving at him.

"See you tomorrow!" the girl calls with a smirk, causing Sakura to giggle and Sasuke to smile.

Shikamaru tosses them a lazy wave before heading back to the compound, mind already spinning through ways to make the trio allies.

After all, he's a Nara, and Nara don't waste potential resources.

* * *

Ino doesn't understand how Sasuke-kun can stand to spend all of his time with billboard-brow and _Naruto_ , of all people.

Sure, he's seen with Shino and Hinata too, but Naruto and Sakura are the ones he sticks too.

They eat together, they sit together, they have inside jokes, she heard a rumor that Naruto and Sasuke live together!

They're joined at the hip, and yet she still doesn't understand what he could see in them.

She's complaining over the dinner table, telling dad how insufferable Sakura is, how she doesn't know what Sasuke sees in her, when his hand stills abruptly.

Now Ino may not be top kunoichi anymore, but she's still smart. She knows how to read a situation, she knows dad actually freezing up is incredibly odd.

"You know something" Ino realizes.

"What do you know? What is it? What does bill-board brow have?"

"Name calling, Ino" Inoichi replies absentmindedly before turning his attention back to his food.

Ino only glares in response.

He sets down his knife and sighs, bringing a hand to his head.

"Do you know what a sociopath is?"

"No." Ino blinks, of course she doesn't, she's only skimmed the clan psychology books.

"Traits of a sociopath include rule breaking, lack of empathy for others, delight in causing pain, and attraction to violence, fire, and inherently dangerous things."

She pauses at that, thinks of how Naruto doesn't respect the teacher, doesn't seem to respect anyone but Sasuke and Sakura. She thinks of how Sakura laughed when Naruto broke Neji's nose, how the girls seemed honestly perplexed at one of the students being upset their brother died.

Naruto's obsession with fire, Sakura's tendency to laugh when someone bled-it all pointed to one thing.

"If they're sociopaths, then why is Sasuke-kun spending time with them?"

At that he gives her a look, one that practically screams he thinks she's being slow on purpose.

Ino ignores her reflective bristle at being dismissed to actually think.

"You...you think Sasuke is a sociopath too?" It finally clicks.

"I think," dad starts, "that people are attracted to those like them. And I know the last Uchiha has spent a great deal of time in Torture and Interrogation, learning with the girls."

"He tortures people?" Ino hisses out before she can think, ignoring the hypocrisy of her disgust.

"Yes, and his sensei tells me he's quite good at it."

That's-that's-she doesn't know what to say.

Sasuke-kun likes hurting people. She knows a little of what her dad did before transferring to a different department, she knows torture involves putting people in pain until they break.

And Sasuke likes it? They're not even genin and he's a torturer!

Maybe, Ino thinks, just maybe, it's time to give up the crush.


	15. Chapter 15

It's nearly a year after the Uchiha have been massacred when Naruto finally talks to Sasuke about what's bothering her.

"I don't think the massacre really happened" she blurts out over breakfast, wincing as Sasuke drops his mug onto the table with a loud clank.

"What do you mean?" he asks, eyes narrowed.

"I'm not denying that it happened," Naruto clarifies, waving her hands in a placating motion, "but Itachi killing the clan to prove his power? That's really strange."

"How so?"

"I read your brother's psych reports" she confides. "I read them and they all said he was stable and mostly sane. Isn't it weird, too, that the Uchiha were all killed as the tension between them and the village was about to explode?"

Sasuke stares, blinking once, before cautiously speaking up.

"You're saying he did it on orders?"

"I'm asking," Naruto leans in to look at him, "which one he was most loyal to, the village or his family?"

"I," Sasuke starts then stops. "I want to say family, but..." he trails off, tracing a pattern onto the table.

"But I know that's not true."

"I don't think Jiji would authorize something like that," Naruto cautiously tells him, "so that means someone else did it."

"Someone who's well connected" he realizes. "Someone that wanted the Uchiha out of the way for whatever reason. Someone who can get away with doing something that awful."

There's a moment of silence as they both think on it, Sasuke drawing patterns on the table and Naruto bouncing her leg up and down.

It dawns on them both in a flash, heads shooting up to look each other in the eyes.

"Shimura."

"Danzo."

"Fuck!" Sasuke cries out then, getting out of the chair and aiming a kick at the pantry. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

"We can't touch him" he exclaims, bunching a hand through his hair. "There's no way we can get close enough to kill him."

"We'll do it." Naruto interrupts, staring up at him.

"What?"

"You're ours, Sasuke. You're ours, and if you think we wouldn't take down a council member for you, you'd be wrong. It doesn't matter how long it takes, he's going down."

"Sakura's not here, are you sure you want to make promises for her?"

"Pfft," Naruto leans back, waving a hand in dismissal. "You know her, of course she'd do it."

Sasuke looks at her, grief and rage and something like hope in his eyes, before nodding sharply.

"Thank you."

"You're ours," Naruto insists again, "we'll do anything for you."

* * *

Naruto is right. Sakura gives him the most powerful look of disappointment possible when she finds out he doubted her. Hell, he feels like he skinned a puppy alive in front of her to deserve that look.

They're good now, though, and it's...nice. It's nice to be curled up in his and Naruto's apartment, reading through Uchiha scrolls of old clan techniques.

It's nice to see Sakura pouring over the medical texts while Naruto reads the ones on fire techniques, both of them half jokingly, half not coming up with ways to poison Danzo.

It feels like home for the first time since Itachi left him an orphan.

And oh, Itachi. He doesn't know how he feels. He felt better thinking his brother had gone mad, that he had done it for power.

Realizing he likely slaughtered their family on orders? That's even worse, that adds regret and uncertainty to the rage and grief already heavy in his chest.

Sasuke wants desperately to forgive Itachi, while at the same time he wants so badly to rip his brother limb from limb. It's confusing, to say the least.

He's interrupted from his musings (not brooding, despite what Naruto says) when Sakura looks up from her latest scroll.

"The mangekyo," she starts hesitantly, "that's caused by trauma, right? Trauma of killing someone close to you."

"Yes." He answers, wondering just where she's going with it.

"It's just-" she shifts uncomfortably from her position on the floor. "It's just that Itachi has to have it since he killed your parents and he's probably already experiencing side effects, you know, like the whole going blind from using it too much."

"So?"

"So," Sakura continues hesitantly, "you have a ninja suffering from the grief of killing people close to him that's also experiencing what's effectively a self induced illness. I think," she swallows, "I think he might _want_ you to kill him."

At that he freezes. He wants Itachi to suffer for what he's done, no question about it. But he's not sure he can kill his brother, not sure he wants to if Itachi actually wants to die.

Naruto, sensing his turmoil, gets up from her sprawl on the table to join him on the couch.

"We'll be with you, you know" she tells him, "Whatever you decide. Besides-" she adds with a knowing smirk, "there's plenty of ways to make him suffer without killing him."

That startles a laugh out of him, and he smiles when he notices Sakura and Naruto grinning in unison.

"There's that."

Gods, he feels happy. He feels loved and safe, he feels _whole_. He can't imagine what he'd do without them.


	16. Chapter 16

They're nervous.

Kurama tells her not to worry, says it will be fine, but he's in her head. He's in her head, she can feel his own worry and apprehension clearly.

But they have to do this. She has to tell Sasuke and Sakura, her friends (her pack, Kurama calls them.) They trust her with their lives, they deserve the truth in return.

Naruto doesn't think they'll reject her, not with their own tendencies and quirks, but it still scares her.

It scares her so much, but she has to do it.

It happens one night over dinner, Naruto fidgeting and trying to work up the courage to speak, when Sakura interrupts her.

"What is it?" the other girl asks, concern on her face, and she smiles weakly in response.

"I have a secret to tell you. You know the kyuubi's attack?"

Sasuke nods-he's having one of his nonverbal days.

"Well," deep breaths, you can do this, she thinks.

"Well, Uzumaki Kushina was the jinchuuriki of the nine tailed fox. She married Namikaze Minato at one point and they had a daughter shortly before the kyuubi attacked."

Naruto hesitates, forces herself to continue.

"They had a daughter named Naruto, and they sealed the fox into her."

There's a pause, and then-

"That's why the villagers hate you?" Sakura screeches, outrage heavy in her voice.

"You're hated for something you didn't do? For something forced on you by others?"

"Y-yeah" Naruto stumbles out in response.

The other girl slips out of her chair and slides across the table to Naruto.

Taking her face in her hands, she reaches down and presses her forehead to Naruto's.

"We're not mad at you, not for being a jinchuuriki or for keeping the secret. I want to burn down the entire village and slit the throats of all the civilians, but we're not mad at you."

 _Told you_ Kurama rumbles in her mind, voice unspeakably fond.

Sasuke clears his throat behind them, raising his hands as they turn.

 _There's something else, isn't there?_ he signs, ignoring Sakura to look at Naruto.

"Yeah," Naruto sighs, "there is."

She pauses, braces herself, before starting the summoning hand signs, pulling up Kurama's chakra as she does.

Sasuke's eyes widen, practically a double take from him, and Sakura instinctively scoots back.

"Guys, this is Kurama."

 _It is...good to meet the kit's pack_ he finally rumbles after an awkward silence drags on for several seconds.

They both blink at the fox, and Naruto fidgets, waiting for them to say something, before Sasuke signs a query.

 _Aren't you supposed to be bigger?_

Kurama huffs in response. _I am the kyuubi no yoko, of course I'm supposed to be bigger. It's not my fault I was sealed!_

"He didn't mean to offend." Naruto tells him, reaching out a hand to scratch along the fox's jaw.

The fox purrs in contentment, moving his head so she can get a better angle, before eyeing Sasuke again.

 _I know he didn't, kit. It doesn't excuse his rudeness._

Sakura's lips twitch. "That's Sasuke, alright," the girl says, "unspeakably rude."

Naruto lets out a chuckle when Sasuke only makes a rude gesture in response.

"Kinda proving the point" she snickers, before turning serious.

"Kurama has been there for me since forever. He's always talked. No one else knows. Not even Ibiki-sensei or the rest of the force."

"You trust us with this?" Sakura asks, sounding slightly faint. "You trust us with a secret this dangerous?"

"Of course I do." Naruto responds, frowning with confusion. "It's like he-" she tilts her head towards the fox lying on the table, "said. You're pack."

Naruto knows what she's done. She's given them a secret that could destroy everything she's worked for, everything she's ever wanted. She gave them damming proof. But she trusts them more than anyone else in the world. Naruto knows they won't betray her.

Sasuke, normally so averse to touch, gets up from his chair and walks over, reaching out to tangle his hand in her own. Sakura inches closer to Naruto at that, taking the girl's other hand in hers.

"Thank you," the other girl whispers. "Than you."

She has a feeling Sakura's talking about more than the secret.

"Of course" Naruto smiles back. "Of course."


	17. Chapter 17

They're a few months from the final exam, and in the middle of a three way spar, when Sakura asks the question.

"How do we know we'll be on the same team?"

Naruto blinks, sharing a glance with Sasuke as they circle each other. Sometimes she forgets Sakura has a civilian background.

"Fuck" Sasuke gasps as Naruto kicks him into Sakura's arms and the other girl grabs him in a headlock.

"Fuck-they'll keep us together."

"How do you know?" Sakura asks before doubling over as Sasuke twists and drives his knee into her stomach.

"You've heard the teachers talk" Naruto replies, ducking under Sakura's swing and jumping to avoid Sasuke creeping up behind her.

"They call us psychopaths, they call us the T&I trio. We're trained in torture-" She grabs holding of Sasuke and twists, throwing him over her shoulder in a suplex.

"Konoha will want to keep three torture specialists together."

"You're sure?" the other girl asks, dodging Naruto's punch and tumbling over as Sasuke surprises her with a kick slammed into her lower back.

"Of course" the boy replies, smiling as blood drips down the gash on his lip, moving from Sakura's prone body to aim at Naruto.

"Don't worry" Naruto adds, turning from watching her lie on the ground just in time to dodge Sasuke's punch, grabbing hold of his arm and twisting it back.

"I'm not _worried_ ," Sakura huffs in response before standing and taking advantage of Naruto's distraction to kick her in the ribs, watching as Naruto-still holding Sasuke-slams into the dirt.

"Sure you're not" Naruto drawls, smiling as Sasuke snickers from his position beneath her.

"Relax" the boy adds, wincing as Naruto pulls him to his feet.

"I am relaxed!" Sakura snaps back, ignoring the other girl's laughter.

"Trust me, Sakura." Naruto adds, absentmindedly rubbing a hand on her face, smearing the sticky blood there.

"They're gonna put us on the same team, we're gonna make chuunin and jounin in record time, and we'll end up famous."

"The T&I Trio" Sasuke adds.

"The Konoha torturers" Sakura responds with a smile.

"We'll be legends like the Sannin," Naruto responds, "except we're not gonna go crazy or end up as wandering drunks or perverts."

"What?"

"I overheard Ibiki-sensei talking about it," she confides, "everyone knows Orochimaru went crazy but Tsunade is a wandering drunk and missing-nin in everything but name and Jiraiya is a notorious pervert and borderline alcoholic."

Sasuke blinks. "Didn't Kurama say Jiraiya's your godfather?"

Naruto huffs a bitter laugh in response. "Never said my parents had the best taste."

 _Setting aside Minato's questionable choices, I don't think you three will ever abandon each other_ Kurama says inside her mind.

Naruto blinks before relaying the message to the other two.

"Of course we won't!" Sakura hisses, putting her hands on her hips.

"When people hear Uchiha they'll think of Haruno and Uzumaki too" Sasuke adds, snapping his arm back into place.

Naruto reaches out a hand and wipes the blood on his shirt, smiling when he scowls.

"It's really happening," Sakura says, sounding faintly shocked. "We're really becoming genin."

"We're gonna be fucking awesome," Naruto replies, bumping her shoulder against the other girl's before smiling and down the same to Sasuke.

"We already are" Sasuke smirks, ducking the half hearted punch Sakura throws his way.

"There's that," Naruto responds, chuckling, before turning serious.

"You guys are ready, right?"

"Of course" Sasuke responds, sounding offended.

"Now who's worrying?" Sakura teases.

"To the T&I Trio" Naruto whoops then, drawing Sasuke and Sakura close with her arms around their shoulders.

"To us" the other two respond, Sakura beaming wide and Sasuke smiling softly.

None of them notice Anko standing by the field, doing her best to restrain a smile.

* * *

The final exam really is shockingly easy, Sasuke thinks to himself.

He knows most students haven't training from some of Konoha's best, of course, but it's still disappointingly easy.

Sasuke represses a snicker when Naruto says what he's thinking to Iruka-sensei, watching as the man's expression turns wry.

"Most students aren't you three" their sensei responds, half bitter and half proud. Naruto beams at the praise, Sakura smiling beside her, and even Sasuke's lips twitch into a tiny smile.

They head home after the exam with a case of dango, bringing Sakura along-her parents won't care about their daughter passing, or even where she is.

Sasuke breaths in, lying on his futon in their room that night, before standing and walking to the kitchen.

"It's really happening" he whispers, watching as Naruto sits at the table, sharpening her weapons in a nervous rhythm.

"It is. You excited?" she asks, looking up.

"I am."

Sasuke grabs a stone from their cabinet and joins her at the table, picking up one of the kunai and getting started.

He's not arrogant enough to think there won't be obstacles or disappointments. But, he thinks, watching Naruto and listening to Sakura's soft snores, they'll be prepared.

* * *

Sakura keeps her head high and back straight, doing her best to look confident and assured as they wait for sensei to announce the teams.

Naruto is to her left, leaning back her chair and keeping her feet on the desk. Sasuke sits on her right, legs folded underneath him, scowling at the desk as though he's trying to set it on fire.

"It'll be fine." Sakura whispers, aiming a slight smile at the boy. Sasuke's answering smile is betrayed by the way he holds his hands, the stiffness that tells her he's nervous.

"Alright," Iruka-sensei calls, "it's time for team placements.

"Team seven," he calls out, "Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, and Uzumaki Naruto."

Sakura aims a smug look at Sasuke, laughing when he glares back, while Naruto grins so wide it nearly splits her face.

"Told you" the other girl sing songs, smiling cheekily when Sakura turns to look at her.

Iruka-sensei lists out the rest of the teams and Sakura watches, cataloging each reaction.

Shino is expressionless as always, but Sakura can tell he's pleased. Hinata looks disappointed, she had to have been hoping to land with Naruto, while Kiba looks relieved.

Team Ino-Shika-Cho is unsurprised, but Sakura restrains a smile at the last team.

Neji is definitely displeased, scooting his chair away from an exuberant Rock Lee. She may have to watch their team work sometime, if only to laugh at the Hyuuga.

Finally they're let out of class, just close enough to Kiba to hear him tell Shino "I'm glad I'm not with any of the psychos."

"Why, Kiba" Naruto heaves an exaggerated gasp, "I thought we were friends!"

Sakura doesn't bother to hide her snicker as Kiba freezes, the boy shivering when Naruto throws an arm around his shoulder.

"Now, Naruto" Sasuke says, amusement plain in his voice, "don't you think you've tortured the boy enough?"

"I'll stop when he stops making it fun" the girl responds, though she withdraws her arm from the Inuzaka's shoulder.

"You spend too much time with Anko-nee."

"No such thing." Naruto responds breezily before pushing Kiba aside and heading to the classroom they're supposed to meet in.

Sasuke shakes his head before looking at Sakura, meeting her smile with his own.

"Come on!" Naruto calls, already halfway down the hall.

"Well," Sasuke drawls, "at least this will be exciting."

"I can't wait." Sakura says back, picking up her pace to follow her friends.

This will be fun.


	18. Chapter 18

Kakashi is taken off guard duty for Naruto a few weeks before she wanders into Torture and Interrogation.

He laughs when he hears about it months later because _of course_. Of course Kushina's daughter would be so bold, of course Minato's daughter would manage to charm T &I into helping her.

Kakashi understands why. He understands the girl wanting to succeed, he understands Morino scouting out potential talent. Doesn't mean he has to like sensei's daughter learning to torture.

He watches when he has time off from missions.

It's more unlicensed stalking than anything else, and he has a feeling the girl is just pretending not to notice him, but he can't help it. He wants to make sure sensei's daughter is safe.

She's not just safe, though. She's happy _._ He can hardly believe it.

The members of T&I ruffle her hair and pat her head, he watches in disbelief as one of them-Moz, he thinks that's his name-actually holds up his hand for a high five on a regular basis.

Sure, the casual touches and the praise comes after the kid has broken a man, after she's mixed poisons or slit throats, but he can't bring himself to care. Not when the kid smiles so brightly, not when members of the force take turns sitting with her for hours just to go over her homework.

He laughs when she befriends the pinkette, laughs when he steals Morino's reports and finds out the girl is being trained alongside Naruto. Only Naruto would manage to find the ideal candidate in a classroom.

Kakashi will deny it till he dies, but there's a chance he ends up perched outside the girl's window on her birthday, watching as she runs her hands along the kunai and seal sets and books. He watches as she twirls around in the skirt Sakura gifted her and watches and as she goes through katas with the Uchiha fan Sasuke gave her.

If anyone asks just who gave the girl an empty photo album, he'll deny it too.

* * *

He's failed every team they've ever assigned him.

Kakashi's starting to think that maybe, just maybe, the Hokage will leave him alone when he gets his new assignment.

Iruka shuffles through the papers, handing out teams, until he gets to Kakashi. He doesn't like the smile on the teacher's face.

"And Hatake Kakashi..." Iruka starts with unholy glee, "you will be in charge of Team seven. The genin under your care are Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, and Uzumaki Naruto."

The office falls into a stunned silence finally broken by the sound of Asuma's laughter. Kurenai mutters "better you than me," and even Gai's typical shout of "youthful!" seems uncharacteristically subdued.

"What." Kakashi finally manages.

"Didn't you hear?" Iruka raises a brow. "You get the torture trio, the psychopaths, the terrors of the academy-"

"I get it" Kakashi replies, raising his hands as if to ward him off.

Apparently the academy waived the two thirds rule for them and he gets it, he does. It makes sense to put the torture specialists together.

It makes sense, but it also means there's no way in hell he can fail them. By all accounts the three are practically joined at the hip, he's heard Anko swear up and down they can read each other's minds.

They'll ace any teamwork test he puts them through, he has no doubt about that.

Well, fuck. Looks like he has a genin team.

* * *

For all that Kakashi's watched (not stalked, despite what Ibiki says) Naruto, he's never really interacted with her or the other two.

Morino was no help either, when he asked the other man only gave him a smirk and told him he'd see. That smirk, and Anko's gleeful cackles, do nothing to reassure him.

He's two hours late to the classroom, hoping against hope they've gotten bored and left, when he opens the door.

And then lets out a choked noise, leaping forward as a trap snaps onto his shin.

Kakashi peels the trap off, ripping one of his sleeves off and tying it around his bleeding leg, before he looks up.

Naruto is openly laughing, Sakura is snickering, and Sasuke has the Uchiha smile on his face.

"My first impression-" Kakashi starts, standing up, "I hate you all with a burning passion."

"But sensei," the pinkette starts, "aren't jounin supposed to be aware of their environment?"

"Besides," Naruto adds, "who says it was us? How could genin manage to get the drop on one of Konoha's best jounin?"

"Maybe he's not very good" the last Uchiha adds, smirking as Kakashi's eye twitches.

"I hate you." He hisses out as threateningly as he can manage, disappointed when they don't even flinch.

"Now get on the roof," he snaps, leaning on his uninjured leg, "and we'll do introductions."

Kakashi restrains the sigh that starts when Naruto responds by unlatching the window and climbing up the wall one handed, Sasuke and Sakura following.

What the hell did he do to deserve this?

* * *

"So," Kakashi says, clapping his hands together once they're on the roof, "Tell me about yourselves

"What do you mean, sensei?" Sakura asks, wearing the most innocent face possible.

"Likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams, I'm sure you know the drill" Kakashi responds flatly, in no mood to deal with devils in the forms of little girls.

"I'll go first!" Naruto chirps.

"My name is Naruto."

"Hello Naruto" the other two say in chorus, smiling as Kakashi twitches.

"I like practicing with my kunai and fan, Sasuke and Sakura, mystery novels, and foxes. I dislike-"

"You like foxes?" Kakashi asks, doing his best to keep his voice level.

"Of course," she beams, "they're adorable!"

"Um, let's see...I don't it when people are mean or arrogant. My hobbies include 'enhanced interrogation,' screwing with people, and setting things on fire."

Wonderful. A budding pyromaniac that openly admits to regularly torturing people.

"My dreams...I want us to be as famous as the Sannin."

Well. That's a surprisingly normal, if ambitious, goal to be coming from the girl in front of him.

"And I'm Sakura," the girl next to her immediately picks up.

"I like training, working in T&I, and using my medical knowledge while working there. I also like my friends and Anko-nee and Ibiki-sensei.

"I don't like it when people lie to me" the girl smiles, a vicious slash of teeth. "And I don't like it when people are rude. My hobbies include reading medical textbooks and experimenting. My dream is to one day head Torture and Interrogation."

Kakashi turns to Sasuke, praying this one will at least be slightly normal.

"I like practicing my genjutsu, making poisons, and spending time with Naruto and Sakura. I dislike it when adults talk down to us and loud people. My hobbies include training with Ibiki-sensei and reading mystery novels. My dream is to make my brother suffer."

Kakashi only barely manages to resist putting his head in his hands. A pyromaniac, a medical nin that doesn't follow the rule of 'do no harm' and a budding poison specialist. What the fuck are they thinking, putting these kids with him?

"Come to training ground seven at six o clock sharp." He finally responds flatly. "I'd tell you not to eat, but I have a feeling you'd just ignore me."

"Yes"

"Yep"

"True"

* * *

The kids won't tell him how their test went. When Ibiki asks Sasuke and Sakura only smile, while Naruto tells him to find Hatake and ask.

So he's at the best shinobi bar in Konoha, watching Kurenai and Asuma and Gai talk among themselves about their teams.

He's half listening to Kurenai express surprise over Hinata's skill when Anko chokes on her drink beside him.

He follows suit because there, standing in the doorway, is Hatake Kakashi.

Hatake Kakashi with burned hair and bandages wrapped around both his legs, Kakashi with one arm in a sling and burn bandages peaking out from underneath his shirt.

" _You_ " the man hisses, ignoring everyone else in favor of pointing at Ibiki.

He doesn't even bother trying to hide his smile.

"What'd the kids do to you?" Anko asks.

"Genin did this to you?" Asuma asks, staring at Hatake with surprise.

"They aren't genin," Kakashi hisses, "they're _hellspawn_."

"That's a bit harsh, Hatake." Ibiki responds, raising his drink and taking a sip.

"Really?" the man practically shrieks in response. "Really?"

"They showed up fifteen minutes after me. I had to wait for _them_."

"Oh, the horror" he responds dryly, giving Kakashi an unimpressed look.

"Oh," the man hisses, snatching Kurenai's sake cup out of her hand, "it gets worse."

"I tell them about the bell test and Sakura immediately responds by calling it an 'outdated piece of cheap psychology.'"

Asuma winces while Gai says something about her behavior "being most unyouthful."

"Then Naruto told me they wouldn't do the test, but they would be happy to play ninja tag with me."

"I said sure," Kakashi rants, slamming the sake cup onto the bar. "I thought hey, how much damage could three genin cause? Besides, it would show me how they worked."

"Sasuke has the full base sharingan activated, did you know?" Kakashi rushes ahead, not noticing Ibiki's answering nod. "Sasuke has the full base sharingan, and he and Naruto used it to immediately take down all my clones."

"I got these-" he lifts up his pants and shows the bandages wrapped around both his legs, "When I jumped to avoid what I thought was a trip wire and turned out to be a piece of string."

He grabs another cup from Asuma's hands, ignoring the man's glare.

"Said string turned out to be a distraction so Sasuke could come up behind me and slash my legs. While that was happening Sakura surprised me and managed to snap my arm back."

"And then, after I subdued them-with heavily bleeding legs and one broken arm-Naruto snuck behind me."

"This-" Kakashi uses his free hand to lift up his shirt. "Is the result of a c-rank fire jutsu at close range."

Asuma, Kurenai, and Gai stare at him, looking absolutely horrified.

"Those kids of yours are a pack of vicious monsters in human skins."

"They're cute, though, aren't they?" Anko asks with a laugh.

Kakashi just stares before finally shaking his head.

"You people are fucked up."


	19. Chapter 19

It's the night after their final test and Sasuke is still smiling, the memory of Kakashi hissing out they passedas he limped away fresh in his mind.

He pauses in the middle of absentmindedly skimming a clan scroll to turn around and look at Naruto.

The girl is frowning, staring at the wall with an intensity that lets him know she's talking with Kurama.

Sakura follows his stare, pausing to look at him before speaking up.

"Naruto?"

The girl startles, blinking twice, before turning to look at them.

"Yeah?"

"Is there anything wrong?"

"It's just," she runs a hand through her cropped hair, uncaring as it sticks up. "Kurama knows Kakashi."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Turns out," the girl bites her lip, anger in her eyes. "Turns out Minato was his sensei."

Sasuke stares at her, mind whirring. Kurama might lie, but he doesn't think the fox would ever lie to her. That means yet another connection to her parents abandoned her, left her to fend for herself alone.

Sakura's reached the same conclusion as him, already moving to give the other girl a hug.

"It's not fair." Naruto whispers, so quiet he can barely hear it. "It's not fair that even the hokage decided I wasn't good enough. And now, and now I find out another person thought I didn't matter!"

"Or," Sasuke speaks up, "he just follows orders."

"What?"

"Everyone that knew your parents is either absent from your life or barely interacts with you. By all accounts your parents were loved, isn't that suspicious?"

"You think someone ordered Kakashi away?" Naruto asks.

"I think," Sasuke starts delicately, "that Kakashi is what Ibiki-sensei calls 'a good shinobi.' I think he's one of the ones that always follows orders, even if they don't make sense."

"Those are the dangerous ones." Sakura finally speaks.

"But the only ones with that kind of authority are Jiji and the council, and Jiji always looks so sad when he looks at me." Naruto speaks up.

"So it's the council," Sasuke concludes, face twisting in a sneer."

"Fuck," Sakura says, startling them with a swear. "We really need to kill Danzo, don't we?"

"Expose ROOT first," he reminds her, "expose ROOT and then we can get rid of them."

There's a pause, Sakura cuddled into Naruto's side and Sasuke staring down at the scroll, before Sakura speaks up.

"Why, though? Why keep Naruto isolated?"

Sasuke and Naruto exchange a look. For all Sakura's expertise at causing pain, she can be a bit blind to understanding others motivations.

"A jinchuuriki is a weapon." Naruto speaks up. "They're human though, which means they need to be controlled. How do you control someone? You make them dependent on you or..."

"Or you isolate them." Sakura realizes. "You drive away possible connections so they're left vulnerable."

"Fuck Danzo" Sasuke hisses. "And fuck the council too."

Naruto huffs out a laugh. "I don't think anyone wants to."

* * *

Kakashi can't sleep. He stares at the ceiling of his room, fingers drumming on the futon, wondering just what he'll do.

They passed, even if their version involved sending him to the hospital. They passed and now he actually has a team. Now he has three people depending on him, three children trusting their lives to him.

He breathes in and out, trying to quell the rising panic at the thought.

Think Kakashi, think, what can you do?

Well, he needs to see just what they're capable of first. The kids may have been trained by some of Konoha's finest but they have to have some weaknesses. He needs to find out how to make what they're good at even better and how to bring whatever they're lacking up to par.

He needs to find a way to bond with them-years in ANBU have taught him the best teams have a rapport.

It's just, how the fuck is he supposed to accomplish this? They're genin in name only, he can't treat them like that, he'll lose any chance of gaining their respect.

He's out of bed and pacing now, wondering just what to do, when it hits him.

They're not genin, not really, so he doesn't need to be gentle.

Oh, this will be fun.

* * *

"Hello children!"

Naruto blinks up at Kakashi-sensei, who's defied their predictions and actually arrived at six o clock sharp. He's clapped his hands together, a manic glint in his eye, and she feels her fine tuned paranoia blare.

"Hello sensei" Sakura speaks up, while Sasuke not so discretely edges away and behind Naruto.

"So, I was thinking, and I had an amazing realization. You three aren't genin!"

"Actually, sensei-"

"Let me finish pinkette." Their sensei interrupts Sakura, still smiling that creepy eye smile.

"We all know T&I's training ensured you're far and above genin quality. So I'm not going to treat you like genin. From here on out you get to experience the joys of ANBU training."

"And I know what you're thinking-"

"That you've gone mad?" Sasuke whispers.

"I heard that, Uchiha!" Kakashi cheerfully responds.

"Now, can anyone tell me what the purpose of ANBU training is?"

"To make better ninja?"

"To prepare for high risk assignments?"

"To get used to guarding the old man all day?"

"All wrong!" Their sensei continues, still shouting.

"ANBU recruits undergo training so they can be broken and turned into something better. And I, recruits, am going to break you."

For the first time since meeting Ibiki-sensei Naruto feels something like fear.

* * *

Asuma blinks once before rolling up his sleeves and sharply pinching the inside of his elbow.

Judging by the pain he's not dreaming, and his students own shocked stares let him know he's not hallucinating. Or if he is, it's affecting everyone.

"Sensei," Ino finally speaks up, "what's going on?"

Honestly, he'd like to know the same thing, he thinks as he watches Kakashi, in full combat mode, go up against Uchiha Sasuke.

Naruto is watching from the sidelines, cradling her arm, while the pink one-Sakura, he thinks her name is-is sitting down next to her, lip and nose both bleeding freely, black eye already swelling.

"Come on!" Kakashi taunts, dodging Sasuke once again.

"You're pathetic! Is this how the Uchihas end? A little boy pretending he's not a scared child? Is this why Itachi killed them all?"

His students suck in a shocked breath as a group, watching as Sasuke's eyes widen.

"Maybe he did, huh? Maybe Mikoto welcomed it, maybe Mikoto and Fugaku would rather die than live with the shame of a son as weak and pathetic as you.

"How does it feel?" the copy-nin taunts. "How does it feel, knowing you caused your parents deaths?"

Sasuke moves to charge forward, eyes wild and knuckles white, before pausing and taking a breath, eyes turning calculating as he and his sensei circle each other.

Kakashi feints to the side and Sasuke ignores it, aiming a kick that connects to the copy-nin's side before the man grabs hold of his ankle and flips him to the ground.

Asuma still doesn't know what the fuck is going, watching as Kakashi eye smiles at the boy and offers him a hand up.

"You've got better control than I expected, but we still need to work on it. Any enemy you meet is going to bring your clan up."

"Understood sensei" the boy nods.

"Sakura?"

"Yes sensei?"

"You can heal your team now. Major injuries only-I want anything cosmetic or mild to stay"

The girl nods, taking a wipe out of the pack at her feet and wiping the blood off her face before turning to Naruto.

"Kakashi?" Asuma finally interrupts.

"Yes?"

"What...what is this?" He says, gesturing to the scene before them.

"I can't treat them like genin, can I?" Kakashi asks with a raised brow.

"So you're treating them like recruits" Shikamaru responds, that calculating Nara stare on his face.

"Yep! We just finished a sparring exercise. Kids had to land a hit on me and couldn't get any injuries they got healed."

It makes sense, in the field you might have to go hours or even days without proper medical attention. And the insults matter too, a proper shinobi knows just how to exploit an opponent's weakness.

"Anyways, they've already got tree walking down so I figured we'd do water walking next."

"Just water walking?" Asuma asks with a raised brow.

"Of course not. We're doing water _sparring._ They'll have to fight each other while also managing not to sink. Exercise won't be over until all three can last a spar while managing to stay on the surface"

By now Choji and Ino look terrified, with even Shikamaru looking slightly pale.

"Sensei?" Choji speaks up as Kakashi turns and strides away.

"Yes?"

"We love you."

* * *

Team seven's sensei strides into T&I at midnight, his students following along behind him.

Ibiki blinks, watching as Sakura sways on her feet, Sasuke's eyes flutter shut before he forces them wide, and even Naruto, with her seemingly endless stamina, looks tired.

"Well, we started at six and ended at midnight. I'd say your progress so far is-" the man pauses, the trio looking at him pleadingly. "Acceptable."

"I'll see you three at training ground seven at five tomorrow!"

The trio wait until Kakashi is out the door before Naruto and Sasuke both slump onto the table behind them, Sakura sinking onto the floor.

"So," Ibiki starts, smiling when they groan in unison, "how was training?"

"I love him" Naruto informs Ibiki sincerely, cracking open an eye to look at look at the employees gathered in the room.

Sasuke snickers, dodging the elbow she aims his way, before turning to look at him as well.

"It was fun."

"Yeah," Sakura yawns, "it was."

Ibiki takes a sip of coffee to hide his smile. He was worried at first, to put someone as damaged as Kakashi in charge of the trio, but it seems he didn't need to worry.

Not when the kids adore their new sensei.


	20. Chapter 20

Hiruzen looks up from his paperwork at the sound of the door opening, raising an eyebrow at the sight of Hatake Kakashi.

He's heard the gossip, he knows the man is putting his team through the hell of ANBU training. Even more curious are the claims the new genin are actually enjoying it.

"Hokage-sama," the man greets him, giving a short bow before straightening. "I thought I'd request a C-rank mission for my team in person."

"Really?" Hiruzen asks, "haven't they only completed-"

"Forty D-ranks?" Kakashi finishes. "Yes, they have."

"Forty?"

"Naruto is a great fan of efficiency. Most missions were completed with shadow clones, though I have to admit the team had to catch Tora directly."

"How did that happen?" he asks with morbid curiosity, already wondering if Tora's still alive.

"Sasuke used his sharingan to trap the cat in a jutsu. His quick thinking ensured the cat was compliant until the mission was completed."

"Sasuke-" Hiruzen starts and then stops. "Sasuke used the sharingan to retrieve a wayward cat?"

"It's Tora." Kakashi says as if it explains everything. Which to be fair, Hiruzen thinks ruefully, it does.

"Before I promise anything, I'd like to hear your thoughts on their progress."

"Morino knew what he was doing" Kakashi admits. "They're well versed in torture, sure, but they also had an extensive practical education. I've already started Naruto on B-rank wind and fire jutsus, while Sasuke and Sakura are both receiving advanced training in genjutsu.

"Sakura is a budding prodigy when it comes to medical work, while Sasuke is proving to be exceptional at mixing taijutsu and genjutsu. Also, if it's possible, I'd like to recommend Jiraiya return for a few weeks. Naruto has expressed interest in improving her seal work, and at this rate only a master could teach her things she doesn't know."

"I'll see what I can do" Hiruzen responds, mind whirring with ways to turn the trio's abilities to the village's advantage.

"Honestly, at this point, they need a C-rank. D-Ranks are boring them, and Morino's already warned me about what they do when they're bored."

"What are you saying, Kakashi?"

"They've built up an impressive amount of resistance to my training in such a short amount of time. They're no longer dead on their feet when we finish. So I'm saying you have a choice. Give them something to occupy their attention or watch them burn the village down. "

"A man named Tazuna is requesting protection from bandits in the land of Waves. There has been a recent upsurge in crime, so the trio-" He says, smiling when he realizes he's slipped into the nickname the genin are known by, "should be reasonably entertained."

"We'll take it." Kakashi responds, taking the scroll he offers before bowing and striding away.

There's a moment of silence before one of his guards speaks up.

"50 ryo say they manage to burn down a village."

"No bet" Hiruzen responds wryly.

* * *

"Guess what, my adorable little monsters?" Kakashi says with a manic glint in his eye, right before he ducks under Sasuke's swing and drops him with a kick to the ribs.

"We don't have to do D-ranks anymore?" Naruto says hopefully, smirking when one of her kunai goes straight through his hand and into the tree behind him.

"Not quite" Kakashi responds, taking a moment to pull out the dagger impaling his hand, ignoring the blood as he makes the hand signs for a B-rank jutsu.

The trio avoid the burst of flame admirably, given they're wearing blindfolds wrapped tight around their eyes.

"We do, however, have a C-rank mission protecting someone from bandits. And since I'm not going to insult all of us by thinking you haven't killed, you get the opportunity to put in some practice with enemy combatants and not just people you've tortured."

"Excellent" Sasuke responds, smiling as Kakashi goes flying into a tree at Sakura's punch.

"Spar's over!" He says from his sprawl on the ground, "you can take off the blindfolds!"

The trio unwrap the fabric, Sasuke raising a brow and Naruto and Sakura smiling at the gathered crowd of ANBU and assorted jounin watching.

"We're meeting the client at six o'clock tomorrow in the hokage's office and leaving shortly after." Kakashi tells them, waving his bleeding hand at Sakura until she rolls her eyes and goes to heal it.

"Hold still, sensei" Sakura huffs, "or I'll finish what Naruto started and stab you again."

"Threat noted." Their sensei says with an eye smile before pulling his healed hand away and wiping off the dried blood.

"Now come on, it's time for your genjutsu training. Naruto, I want you to practice those Uchiha techniques Sasuke showed you while we're gone."

"Yes, sensei" Naruto chirps, tossing him a salute as he leads Sasuke and Sakura away.

* * *

The client's hiding something. Sakura looks at Sasuke out of the corner of her eye, inclining her head slightly at his slight nod in response to her unspoken question.

It's not unusual for civilians to dismiss them because they're young, but this is something else. The intensity of his fear tells her the man's afraid of something more than simple bandits.

Naruto smiles at her while the drunkard rambles, the knowing glint in her eye letting Sakura know she's noticed it as well.

"Civilian-san" Sakura steps forward then, forgoing the man's name in a deliberate insult. "We are trained shinobi of Konoha that have killed before. You are welcome to request another genin team, but I can ensure you their quality does not match ours. In fact, team seven is overqualified to deal with simple bandits." She tells him with a knowing smirk, watching the drunkard twitch, clearly wondering if she knows what he's hiding.

"Fine." This Tazuna finally says to the hokage, "If they're the best, I'll take them."

Naruto bumps her shoulder against Sasuke's as the boys eyes narrow, doubtlessly offended over a civilian thinking he can order them around.

"Good, good" their sensei responds, ushering Tazuna out the door and exchanging a look with his students. Naruto flashes the ANBU hand sign for _enemy unknown_ while the other two nod. Kakashi's eyes darken before he schools his face-what they can see of it-back into a cheerful smile.

He signs back _understood_ before turning and following the civilian out.

Well, Sakura thinks, at least this mission should be interesting.

* * *

Kurama awakens from his nap to tell her _trap ahead_ the same moment Sasuke and Sakura make the sign for _genjutsu in use_.

Kakashi-sensei steps back once he notices them sign, gesturing them on ahead before moving next to Tazuna.

The thrill of fighting is over far too soon, as Sasuke manages to stab one of the nin that suddenly appears through the heart and Naruto breaks the legs of the other with a well place wind jutsu.

"Sasuke, you were supposed to leave him alive!" Sakura scolds.

"We have a live one," the boy tilts his head towards the one groaning on the ground. "Who wants to question it?"

"I'll do it" Naruto says with a smile before kicking the one still alive in the ribs.

"Hey," she says, crouching down to peer into his eyes. "Wanna tell us why you attacked us?"

"Never," he hisses out before crying out in pain as Naruto slowly sinks a kunai into his flesh.

"Wrong answer." Naruto says with a manic cheer, before leaning down further.

"Now, you're gonna be down for a while with the way I broke your legs. You can tell me what I want to know, or I can start by breaking your fingers and work my way down."

"Zabuza-sama said to, said-"

"Hey, Naruto?" Sakura calls out then.

"Yeah?"

"They're in the bingo book, listed as the Demon Brothers."

"They have a bounty?" Sasuke interjects, pulling out a sealing scroll.

"They do."

"And we have a name." Naruto smiles before running a hand down the length of her weapon, infusing it with a wind charge.

"Sorry about this," she tells the nin, who starts struggling frantically, "but you're not useful anymore."

She brings down the kunai with a thunk, ignoring the blood that splatters across her face as she pulls the weapon out. Sasuke is doing the same to the one he killed, both of them grabbing the heads by the hair before turning to Sakura.

She takes a storage scroll from her pack, tossing it to them and watching as Naruto drops the heads into it.

"Let's drop by the office when we get back home and get the money for them."

"Split three ways?" Sasuke asks.

"No," Sakura interjects, "they were your kills, you should have them."

"Thanks!" Naruto beams, darting out her tongue to lick the blood on her lips away before standing.

"Well," their sensei claps his hands together then, turning his gaze on their shell-shocked client. "It seems to be time for you to tell us the truth."

Naruto stands up and smiles, nearly laughing as Sasuke and Sakura aim the same unnerving smirk at the shaking Tazuna.

"Yes," Sasuke drawls, "I'd say so."

* * *

What the fuck. No, seriously, what the fuck.

Konoha nin were useless, everyone knew that. Konoha nin were too obsessed with shit like morals and protecting the weak to be the kind of ruthless a shinobi had to be. If their shinobi were that weak, their genin had to be even worse.

So why, Zabuza thinks, are these genin acting like Mist nin? They just took out the brothers without a sweat, one of them hurt them for information, they chopped their heads off without pausing! What the fuck is going on?

It gets even weirder when he moves to attack after the bridge builder finishes his sob story, the one with pink hair tackling the man and setting up a wire barrier without a pause.

"Copy-nin" he greets the jounin in charge, watching as the man's eyes narrow in recognition.

"Swordsman. You're a long way from home, aren't you? But that's right-" Sharingan Kakashi ducks his blow easily, feinting to the side. "Your little coup failed and now you're a dictator's pet. Pathetic, don't you think?" He calls to the genin behind him.

Zabuza grits his teeth when they nod, the blonde one calling out "very, sensei!" as the copy-nin forces him away from the bridge builder.

He's so focused on the copy-nin, the man easily avoiding the water prison he sends his way, that he barely manages to dodge the fireball the blonde one sends his way.

There's no way in hell that's less than a B-rank, he thinks, biting back the scream in his throat as the flesh the fireball did manage to hit burns.

The pink one is protecting the bridge builder while Hatake and the blonde one aim for him. The black haired one has seemingly disappeared, and he's sure that will come back to bite him, but right now he has to focus on the jounin and his improbably strong genin.

"Hey-" the blonde interrupts, grabbing his blade and using the momentum to roll to a crouch and dodge his next attack. "Can I get an autograph?"

"What?"

"An autograph," the girl repeats as though he's slow. "Can't say I'm really interested in the whole swords thing, but silent killing is awesome and you're supposed to be one of the best at it."

"I-"

"Naruto," Hatake scolds, "you're supposed to be concentrating, not asking for autographs."

"Come on sensei!" the girl whines, "it's not like I need to be at a hundred percent, not to fight him."

That strikes up a new swell of rage, the girl only barely avoiding her throat getting sliced open by the thinnest of margins.

"Now see," the blonde talks again, despite his wishes otherwise, "What I don't get is why you're working for this Gato guy. You know what you should do? You should kill him, take all his stuff, and then head back to Kiri and ally yourself with the new mizukage."

"There's a new mizukage?" the copy-nin speaks up, flipping his eyepatch up to reveal a swirling sharingan.

"A shinobi should be aware of anything that could impact the mission, sensei," the girl sniffs. "And that includes politics."

Haku arrives and Zabuza nearly moans in relief, finally about to be free of these whackjobs, when the black haired one reveals himself again.

"I don't think so," the boy says, staring Haku down.

Another battle begins, the copy-nin's student versus his own, and Zabuza grits his teeth, hoping this one will disappoint.

Predictably, because nothing in his life can go right, the boy doesn't.

Haku manages to stab the boy with a paralytic but the boy doesn't fall, spinning to the side and laughing instead.

"Nobody can resist that!" His own student shrieks, "not unless-"

"Unless they've injected it enough times to build up a resistance." The boy finishes, smugness practically radiating off him.

"This is getting boring sensei" the pinkette speaks up from her position, and the copy-nin nods.

He sees the blonde flash an unfamiliar hand sign at Hatake before doubling over at the sudden flash of pain, vision going white before all he sees is darkness.

* * *

"Shut up!" Sasuke hisses at Tazuna, turning and aiming his best glare at the man. "You lied about the job, you don't get to have a say."

The stupid suicidal civilian opens his mouth again before a kunai lands on the tree he's leaning on, less than an inch from his head.

"Now, children" Kakashi speaks up lazily, "we're not supposed to injure clients."

"Even if they deserve it?" Naruto asks, poking at the bound missing nin before her.

"Even then. Of course-" their sensei adds with a wicked gleam in his eye, "accidents do happen."

"Acknowledged" Sasuke replies, turning to smile at Tazuna, grin widening as the man shivers.

"Now," Kakashi claps his hands together, "would you like to do the honors, Naruto?"

Naruto shoots him a smile before leaning down and kicking Zabuza and his apprentice in the ribs, snickering as they jolt awake.

The man's eyes narrow when he sees Sakura leaning against his sword, absently drumming her fingers against the hilt.

"Chakra suppression and paralyzing seals of my own design" Naruto speaks up when they try to move, smirking as Zabuza glares.

"What do you want?" the man bites out.

"We're going to take down Gato." Naruto cheerfully informs him. "We're going to take down Gato, and you're the one that's met him and knows the security at his place. So, you help us take him down, and he split whatever we find with you fifty-fifty."

The man looks at her, gaze turning thoughtful before nodding. "Deal."

"Zabuza-sama" his apprentice speaks up-

"Quiet Haku," the man snaps. "Do you really want the embarrassment of getting killed by Konoha nin?"

"No" the boy bites out, glaring sullenly at the trio. Naruto only grins in response.

* * *

Kakashi creeps forward, slitting the throat of a guard before lazily waving as Zabuza moves into view.

"So," the man asks, "how the hell are those kids of yours so vicious? Konoha doesn't usually produce genin that good."

He smirks behind the mask, ducking another guards flailing attempt to stab him and grabbing another for use as a human shield.

"Torture and Interrogation adopted them," Kakashi confides as he watches Zabuza effortlessly decapitate another mercenary.

"So they're orphans?"

"I have parents!" Sakura calls from down the hallway, in the middle of her own brawl.

"They're civilians" Sasuke sneers back, "they don't count."

"He's right, ya know" Naruto responds, ignoring the man trying to stab her in favor of talking to the other girl.

Soon enough the fight is over, nearly everyone on the third floor dead. Everyone except Gato and the guards barricaded in the bedroom, that is.

"Here," Naruto tosses the missing-nin a sealing scroll, smiling as he gingerly holds it. "No traps, I promise. Just your share of the jewelry and ryo."

He tosses it to Haku, the boy tucking it into his coat, before looking around at the blood splattered hallway.

Kakashi smiles behind the mask, watching the missing-nin's eyes widen at the sight of Sakura casually picking teeth out of her hair and Sasuke flicking bits of flesh off his shoulders. They're not as bad as Naruto, though, since the girl is covered head to toe in blood.

"Rock paper scissors for who gets to kill Gato?" Sakura asks.

"He's mine" Zabuza interrupts with a growl, and Kakashi shrugs.

"Guess we get to deal with the body guards, pups."

The trio only smile in response, bloody and vicious, and Kakashi feels his heart swell. Fuck, he loves these kids.

* * *

Haku is half convinced they'd entered some sort of parallel universe. How else would you explain Konoha nin managing to beat them? How else would you explain Konoha nin gleefully slaughtering their way through a mansion?

How else would you explain a Konoha genin whistling while looting Gato's body, pausing to admire his gold watch before slipping it onto her wrist?

Haku is still half convinced of this as the copy-nin and his students wave goodbye before turning and setting off on their way back to Konoha, the blonde girl happily clutching her autograph.

"Zabuza-sama?" Haku finally speaks up, watching as they walk away.

"Yeah?"

"What just happened?"

"I don't know," his master admits, "but I like those kids."


	21. Chapter 21

They're leaving Wave behind when Sakura abruptly stops in the middle of the road, rummaging in her pack before tossing a box to Naruto.

"Wet wipes," the girl says in explanation when Naruto raises a brow at her.

"I don't know," the other girl muses, "I kinda wanna see the old man's face when I walk in covered in blood."

"Trust me," their sensei speaks up then, calling over his shoulder from his position ahead, "the Hokage has seen worse. Besides, partly dried blood is already hard enough to clean. It'll be completely dried by the time we get back, and it takes forever to actually get it all off."

"Really?" Naruto asks, looking at him curiously.

"Definitely," Kakashi confirms with a grimace, though the team can't see it from under his mask. "And then you spend days picking bits off your nails and scrubbing behind your ears, wondering how you managed to get blood back there."

"Fine," Naruto concedes reluctantly, taking the wipes from Sakura and doing her best to clean her face and hands off as they continue on.

"Sensei?" Sakura eventually speaks up, and Kakashi turns at the hesitant tone in her voice.

"Yes?"

"Sasuke wants to know what we'll tell the Hokage, since we let a missing-nin go."

"Sasuke does?" their sensei asks, turning to look at the boy and blinking when he nods.

"I think we can spin it into a positive. Zabuza made it seem like he was going back to Kiri anyways. And even if he wasn't, it's good to have one of the seven swordsmen on our side."

"Alright," Sakura agrees, though she's still frowning.

"Are you alright?" Kakashi asks then, directing the question at Sasuke.

The boy pauses before moving his fingers in practiced motions. _Tired. Don't have Naruto or Sakura's stamina._

Kakashi looks over them then, noticing how Sasuke has started to lag behind the two girls.

"We'll have to work on that," their sensei addresses him before turning and leading them onward.

 _Wonderful,_ Sasuke signs with a grimace, jabbing his elbow into Naruto's side when she slows down and snickers.

"Hey!" Naruto yelps, "not my fault we're so awesome. Well, at least compared to you."

 _Fuck you,_ Sasuke signs back, dodging the shove Naruto sends his way and furiously moving his fingers as she starts to reply.

Sakura only turns and watches with a fond smile, a chuckle escaping as Naruto trips Sasuke and traps him in a headlock.

* * *

Her clothes are ruined-well, most of her clothes. Her boots, custom made and steel toed, should be clean after a day spent polishing. Naruto's forehead protector seems fine too, since it wasn't like she was headbutting anybody.

But the rest of her outfit-her vest, her pants, everything-is covered in layers of blood she knows won't wash off. Replacing it will be expensive, especially since most of it is custom fabric from one of the more expensive shinobi outfitters. It's a good thing the D-ranks pay, and it's good that they should be getting an even bigger payout from the Demon Brothers' bounty.

But looking at the blood soaked through her clothes, Naruto is forced to concede that she may have been a little too enthusiastic.

 _May have?_ Kurama asks sarcastically, and she just _knows_ his tails are flicking in amusement.

 _Shouldn't you be napping?_ Naruto retorts internally.

 _Please_ , the fox scoffs, _this will be far more interesting._

 _Great, now I'm entertainment,_ Naruto thinks, ignoring Kurama's laughter.

Whatever. It just means she'll have to ask Kakashi-sensei for help working on her control.

It just feels wrong to rein herself in. It feels like she shouldn't stop, like she should rip apart opponents without a care.

But that's overconfidence, that's impatience, and those will get you killed.

* * *

Kakashi had planned on leading his team into the Hokage's office via the window. Looking at Sasuke though, looking at the way the girls seem to instinctively move to cover him, that wouldn't be the best idea. Not when the boy seems like he'd be too tired for proper chakra control.

Instead they follow him (like ducklings, Kakashi thinks with a laugh, murderous ducklings) through the halls of the Hokage tower.

They stop at the start of the hallway to the Hokage's office, Sasuke signing _Flicker?_ when Kakashi turns to see why they've stopped.

His smile may be masked, but he has no doubt the boy can tell. Sasuke has always been the most restrained member of his new team. It's good to see the boy showing a sense of humor, even if it takes exhaustion to reveal itself.

He nods once in affirmation, already making the hand sign, before the world shifts.

The first thing he registers is a shocked gasp, and Kakashi turns just slightly to see Kurenai and her team out of the corner of his eye.

The Inuzuka boy always seems afraid around his team, but now the genin looks ready to faint. The Aburame doesn't seem too affected, and Kakashi has a feeling his trio has probably conditioned the boy.

The gasp comes from the Hyuga with a crush on Naruto, who's watching the other girl with wide eyes as she takes in the dried blood covering her clothes. He really does need to have a talk with Naruto about moderation.

Kakashi ignores Kurenai's questioning glance to dip into a bow, certain his students are doing the same behind him.

"I would like to request the mission status be changed to A-rank, Hokage-sama."

"Really?" the Hokage asks with a frown, "and why is that?"

"The client lied." Kakashi bluntly replies. "The client was under threat of death from Zabuza Momochi and the Demon Brothers, who were all hired by a man called Gato."

"I see," Hiruzen frowns. "Was the mission a failure, then?"

"No," Naruto speaks up from behind him.

She's looking at him expectantly, a silent question in her eyes, and he steps back to let her take the floor. It'll be good practice.

"We managed to successfully defend Tazuna," Naruto replies. "The mission proceeded normally until we encountered the Demon Brothers and killed them. Shortly afterwards Zabuza attacked. We managed to subdue him and agreed on a deal to split the contents of Gato's personal belongings fifty-fifty. It's…unusual, but we did succeed in protecting the client by taking down the instigator."

Naruto pauses then to take a storage seal out of her jacket and lay it on the Hokage's desk. "This is what we managed to collect from Gato's estate."

Kakashi very carefully doesn't cackle or laugh at the confusion obvious in the Hokage's face.

"If I may," he adds, "Sasuke and Naruto also performed admirably in killing the Demon Brothers on their own."

Kurenai's eyes widen at that, and Kakashi has no doubt every jounin will know about this by sundown.

"Well," Hiruzen finally speaks up, very carefully hiding his shock, "in light of this news, I do think we can change the pay to that of an A-rank mission."

"Congratulations," the Hokage smiles at his team, "on your first A-rank."

"Now, if there's anything else?" Hiruzen asks, though the question is clearly intended as a dismissal.

"No, Hokage-sama," Kakashi confirms, turning and leading his team out.

The sun is bright and shining when he turns to Naruto and Sakura, who have moved to flank Sasuke.

"I can show you the bounty desk," he offers, but Sakura shakes her head.

"The storage scroll acts as a preservative, we can turn the heads in after Sasuke gets some rest."

The boy opens his mouth to protest at that, but quiets soon enough at the twin glares aimed at him.

"Alright," Kakashi concedes, "have fun."

He watches the girls lead Sasuke down to the residential sector for a moment. Then he's leaping onto a nearby roof, feet silent as he makes his way across the roofs to Interrogation's headquarters.

While he rarely ever follows through, Kakashi does know when to seek help.

For this particular problem he'll need it.


	22. Chapter 22

Hatake is standing in the doorway to his office. He's tempted to just ignore the man until he takes the hint and leaves. He's tempted to, but he has a feeling the jounin will wait the entire day (and possibly follow him home) instead.

Ibiki lets out a sigh, slowly puts down the paperwork he's been working on, and looks up.

"Hatake. What do you want?"

"We got back from our first mission," Kakashi tells him, predictably sidestepping the question.

"Alright," he responds. He'd figured as much when Hatake showed up but that doesn't explain why the man's here without his team, if all he wants to talk about is the mission.

"How was it?"

"It was good," Hatake says, waving a hand, "the kids killed two A ranked missing-nin and subdued one of the seven swordsmen. And they slaughtered a mansion full of thugs."

"It," Ibiki pauses and stops, "it was a C-rank escort mission."

"The client lied," Hatake says as if it explains everything. To be fair, Ibiki concedes, it does.

"So why are you here then, if it went well?"

He bites back a sigh as Kakashi pauses in the doorway before stepping forward, emulating a kicked puppy all the while.

"They don't trust me."

He stops in the middle of spinning his pen, turning the full focus of his gaze on the jounin.

"What?"

"They respect me, Ibiki, they like me. But they don't trust me."

Fuck. He really, really doesn't want to have this conversation.

"Have you given them a reason to?"

At that Kakashi snaps his head up, aiming a glare at him while somehow managing to also look confused.

"Look," Ibiki starts then stops, internally cursing Hatake's stubborn avoidance of the psych department. "Naruto is an orphan that grew up with people hating her. Sasuke is obviously traumatized from Itachi killing everyone."

"And Sakura was already ostracized because of her mental state, and her having civilian parents that don't understand our work doesn't help. They trust T and I because we were the first ones to tell them they were worth something, that they could do something. We were the first ones to _care."_

"And then you came along. It's true, they do like you. They think you're a good teacher and they do think you're helping. But what have you done to make them trust you? It's your job to teach them. It's your job to help them. As far as they're concerned, you're only doing your job."

"This isn't ANBU, Hatake," Ibiki tells him, watching impassively as Kakashi seems to think it over.

"You're training them like ANBU, but they're not. You're not comrades, you aren't equals. Your team knows this, even if you don't."

"I know that!"

"Do you?" Ibiki asks flatly.

"You haven't done anything special. You've treated them like they should be treated, that isn't something that deserves the kind of trust you have in ANBU."

"Well how do I do it then?" Hatake snaps, "how do I make them trust me?"

Ibiki only barely resists the urge to order him out. Knowing Kakashi, he'd just come back.

"Have you told them about your past? Have you told them anything they couldn't find out from reading the bingo book? Do they know your likes and dislikes? Have they met Pakkun and the rest? Do they even know what you actually think of them? And praise during training doesn't count," Ibiki adds when Kakashi opens his mouth to respond.

"No," Kakashi responds after a moment of silence, "they don't."

"There's your answer, then. Get to know them outside of training, and make sure they know what you're like when not teaching as well. Offer them your trust and see how they respond."

Hatake mulls over it for a moment more before nodding sharply.

"I will."

"Oh," Ibiki calls out as the other jounin turns, "Hatake?"

"Yeah?"

"Hurt them in any way, betray their trust at all, and you'll have the whole department to answer to."

The man looks at him, somehow smiling with his uncovered eye, before turning and tossing a wave over his shoulder.

Ibiki turns back to his paperwork before pausing. Maybe he should've warned Hatake that his team would suspect an ulterior motive.

No, he eventually decides, their sensei deserves whatever they cook up if he can't realize that.


	23. Chapter 23

"Sensei!"

Ibiki doesn't startle at that, not since he recognizes the loud voice. He does, however, bite back a sigh.

"Naruto, I'm working."

He turns to see Naruto wave a hand in dismissal, frowning when he notices Sasuke and Sakura behind her.

"Please," Sakura scoffs, looking at the restrained man shackled behind him "you've gotten all you can out of that one."

Fair enough, Ibiki concedes internally. It's true, the third rate shinobi he'd been interrogating was clearly someone's patsy. The man had been next to useless.

Judging by the trio's self satisfied smiles, they know what he's thinking.

"Fine," he finally bites out, "why are you interrupting my work then?"

"What did you tell Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto demands.

For the second time in two days Ibiki fights the urge to slam his head against a wall.

"What?"

"He's-he's trying to bond with us!" Naruto nearly shouts, Sasuke and Sakura giving emphatic nods behind her.

"He asked me if I wanted sharingan training. And when I said no he _ruffled my hair."_ Sasuke speaks up.

"And he offered to take us to dinner!" Sakura speaks up then, a slightly manic light in her eyes.

"We considered the odds of the man being an impostor," Sasuke starts, "but after we went through his apartment-"

"Hold on," he asks, a headache growing, "you broke into Hatake Kakashi's apartment?"

"Of course," Sasuke says, looking at him as though he's an idiot. "If the man trying to bond with us was an impostor, his residence would show signs of tampering."

Deep breaths, Ibiki thinks. Deep breaths.

"Gaining our trust would make us more malleable," Sakura adds, "but he obviously didn't think of it before. So, what did you tell him?"

"Look," Ibiki starts, "what do you know about Hatake?"

"One of the youngest and most talented ANBU members," Naruto speaks up. "Served with honors, but also severely psychologically traumatized. Start of psychological issues pinned to destruction of his genin team and father's suicide when he was young. Severe guilt issues and tendency towards self destruction. Must feel as though he has a goal to adequately function."

"You stole his psych file, didn't you?" Ibiki says, though it's not really a question, not when he already knows the answer.

"Duh," Naruto answers, rolling her eyes.

Ibiki doesn't hold back his sigh, peeling off his bloody gloves to press a hand against his brow.

"I know we drilled paranoia into you three. And trust me, it's always good to examine someone's motivations. But I swear to you, there's nothing behind Hatake's offers. I know it may seem hard to believe, but he genuinely likes you three. No-I think he _adores_ you."

Sasuke's face is blank but his eyes widen slightly, while Naruto and Sakura look openly disbelieving.

"The man came to me because he wanted you to trust him. He wants you to be a real team. And I'm sure it helps that he actually wants you to like him."

"So," Naruto says hesitantly, "it's because he likes us?"

"Yes." Ibiki says emphatically. "And for gods sake, consider it. I refuse to deal with Hatake sulking because the three people he likes the most in this village don't trust him.

The trio look at each other, carrying on a silent conversation, before Sakura nods decisively.

"Alright, sensei," she agrees, "we'll try."

"Good. Now if you're not going to help, get out."

* * *

Sakura looks over at Naruto. The other girl is walking beside her, occasionally stopping to kick at the pebbles along the training ground. She looks lost, Sakura thinks, sharing a glance with Sasuke to confirm he sees it too.

"I don't know if I can," Naruto finally speaks up. "I like him, yeah, but every time I look at him I think about being alone. I don't care if it was an order, he should've been there! He should've tried!"

She doesn't sob but it seems close as hands start to shake. Without thinking Sakura reaches out and wraps her hand around one of Naruto's hands, Sasuke on the other side of her doing the same.

"He fucked up," Sasuke tells her bluntly. "He failed you. But now he's trying. I know it hurts, but maybe you should meet him halfway."

Naruto stops in her tracks, idly swinging the hand Sakura holds as she thinks it over. Finally, after nearly a minute's silence, she nods.

"I don't know if I can trust him," the girl admits, "but I think I can try."

Hesitantly, as though she'll object, Sasuke untangles his hand from hers and reaches out to ruffle her hair.

Naruto openly laughs at that, swatting at him with a smile. "You're shit at this comforting people thing, you know?"

Sasuke only shrugs, smiling slightly when she laughs again.

"What should we do?" Sakura speaks up. "We can train or we can go shopping, the bounties can get us a new wardrobe, or…Naruto?"

She follows Naruto's gaze to the other side of the training ground, looking up to see their sensei sitting in a tree.

Naruto untangles their hands to stride ahead, waving up at Kakashi.

"Yo! Sensei!"

Their sensei looks startled, hastily putting aside a vaguely familiar book before jumping down.

"Yes?"

"Wanna get lunch with us?" Naruto half asks, half demands, looking at Kakashi impatiently.

"You're paying, though" Naruto adds.

"That's fine," Kakashi cheerfully agrees. "Now, where do you wanna go?"

The three of them look at each other for a moment before smiling.

"Sawa's."

"Sawa's?" Kakashi asks flatly, "the most expensive place in town?"

"What?" Sasuke challenges, "you can't pay for it?"

Sakura doesn't bother hiding her smirk at the sudden light in their sensei's eyes.

"Sawa's it is."

* * *

This, Sasuke realizes, might be the most awkward situation he's ever been in. It's actually so awkward that it would normally be hilarious, at least if it was happening to other people.

It had started alright, the host tripping over himself to get one of the most famous shinobi in the village a private booth.

But then they'd settled in and Naruto had started to ask Kakashi a training question.

And their sensei had actually refused! Had waved his chopsticks at her and mock-sternly informed her work talk wasn't allowed.

Lunch went downhill pretty quickly after that. Sensei didn't seem to know what to say, they couldn't think of anything that wouldn't be inappropriate in some way…this whole trusting people thing was harder than it looked.

Sasuke nearly breathes a sigh of relief when Naruto opens her mouth, though he stops abruptly at just what she says.

"So," the girl addresses their sensei, "you have a lot of issues."

Kakashi-sensei blinks his one uncovered eye before responding.

"Yeah," he eventually responds, "I do. How do you know?"

"We stole your psych profile," Sasuke speaks up, straightening in his seat to look at Kakashi-sensei.

"You stole my psych profile…" Sensei starts before trailing off.

"Of course," Sakura says, voice echoing Sasuke's own confusion. "It's not like we were going to walk in blind."

"Fair enough," Kakashi says after a moment's pause.

"So," Sasuke speaks up, "since we're supposed to be trusting each other and shit, why don't you ask us questions?"

Sensei considers it before nodding, twirling his chopsticks around and pointing them at Sasuke.

"Alright," he says, and Sasuke braces himself. "Why the sign language?"

"I freeze up," Sasuke confesses. "If it's been a long day or I'm tired or nervous or just feeling off. The doctors said it was caused by psychological trauma from Itachi."

Their sensei leans back against the booth, twirling his chopsticks lazily, before pointing at Sakura this time.

"Pinkette."

"Yes?"

"You're friends with the Aburame boy and you help the Hyuga heiress train. You're even friendly with the Nara heir. Why?"

"It's just common sense," Sakura blinks. "I don't really like spending time with them, if I'm honest. But it's always good to have allies, especially if you're like us and alienate people just by existing."

Kakashi tilts his head, considering her words, before pointing at Naruto.

"Your turn. Naruto, why don't you trust me?"

Naruto looks at him, chewing on her bottom lip, before speaking.

"Namikaze Minato."

That gets a widened eye from Kakashi.

"He was your sensei. He was family to you. You were family and you still abandoned me. The civilians and most of the shinobi hate me because of who I am, and the only support I ever got came to me by accident. You _abandoned me_."

There's conviction in her voice, certainty in her tone, and Sasuke smiles slightly. An angry Naruto he knows how to deal with, he doesn't know what to do when she's sad.

"You know, then."

"Of course I know," Naruto scoffs. "Everyone gossips. Listen enough, steal a few dozen documents, and you can piece it all together."

"What I did," Kakashi starts then stops, fingers drumming on the table. "What I did was inexcusable. But I want to know you now. And it's not out of guilt or pity. It's because you're you. You train twice as hard as anyone in the village, you have an absolutely wicked sense of humor. You don't care for many people but when you do, you'd do anything for them. That's why I want you to trust me. That's why I already trust you."

Sasuke and Sakura both turn to look at Naruto, curious to see if she'll accept the peace offering. If Sasuke is honest with himself, there's an equally good chance she'll refuse.

Finally, after what seems like ages, Naruto speaks.

"I can try."

Kakashi relaxes then as he slumps against the booth in obvious relief.

"Thanks."

"Don't thank her yet," Sakura adds, "this just means she won't pull her punches anymore."

Their sensei looks sad, Sasuke decides, as he watches the man watch Naruto laugh, watches Sakura giggle in response.

When Kakashi turns his gaze on him Sasuke smiles, a gentle and understanding thing. He may not share the man's guilt, but sadness he knows all too well.

It's a good thing Kakashi has them now.


	24. Chapter 24

Kakashi loathes complications.

He loves the adorable monsters following him around, but he's willing to admit all they do is complicate things.

Case in point: Naruto knowing about her parents. Fuck, Naruto basically admitted to knowing about the Kyuubi.

The kid's smart, even if some overlook her, and he can easily see her doing what she claimed. He can easily see her stealing classified documents and enlisting Sakura in ferreting out information, in making a timeline of events.

Hell, he can see her traumatizing a civilian until they tell her! And even better, it's not like they'd go to the police or report to the shinobi forces, not when Interrogation has taught his precious genin how to use fear as just another weapon.

But something doesn't feel right, a queasy feeling settling in his stomach, and he's learned to trust that feeling. After all, it's kept him alive.

Naruto turns to look at him, then, gaze curious as Sakura drops another dress into her arms. Kakashi only shakes his head though, content for now to let events play out, moving forward and tilting his head to look at the dresses Sakura wants his opinion on.

It probably says something that this is the most fun he's had in ages, helping his own genin team shop for clothes. It definitely means he needs to get out more, at least.

He gives Sakura a thumbs up when she whirls around in a pink dress to let it flare, he gives Naruto an approving nod when she kicks her leg up to her ear and rolls into a handstand to test her new leggings.

He even helps Sasuke pick out hardened nail polish, feeling like a real teacher when the kid looks at him hesitantly and then gets more excited when he shows nothing but acceptance.

It's scary. It's scary to be so attached to these little monsters, to these kids that lack experience despite their talents. There's always going to be someone better, always going to be someone more ruthless, and that's a lesson he's learned well.

The kids are gonna get hurt at some point, going to come close to death, and the mere thought makes his chest clench. He wants to wrap them up in bubble wrap and never let them go, and yet at the same time he wants to see them smile and wants to see them achieve all their dreams.

If this is parenting, it's confusing as hell.

The shopping trip ends in a few hours, the trio easily forking over their money, and Kakashi waits by the door as the clerk packs up their things, giving the woman an appraising glance. He listens, he knows this woman is one of the few shopkeepers that easily accepted Naruto. Maybe he should stop by later and buy something expensive?

When they finally leave he speaks, making sure to keep his movements casual as he taps a hand to Naruto's shoulder.

"We need to talk," he says, trying to sound pleasant and nonthreatening, but she gives him an unimpressed look regardless.

Sakura only looks at her teammate for a moment before plucking the shopping bag from Naruto's hands and leaping onto the roof, Sasuke following her a moment later.

"All right," his student replies, staring at him with an assessing look he last saw on Morino's face, "let's talk."

* * *

They end up standing in front of the memorial stone.

It's a bit of cheap manipulation on his part that she has to have noticed, but luckily Naruto doesn't say anything, instead settling onto the grass beside it.

Kakashi follows suit, settling into a comfortable position and watching as Naruto sprawls beside him, wild blonde hair tickling his shoulder as she moves to lean on him.

Naruto may like him but she doesn't trust him, and Kakashi knows enough to know the physical contact is yet another intimidation technique Morino and his colleagues taught her.

Still, he likes to think he's above the manipulations of a genin.

"You're lying," he eventually says, opting to skip straight to the point and avoid the mind games his precious student would undoubtedly try.

"What?" Naruto blinks her big blue eyes up at him, the picture of innocence, and Kakashi rolls his eyes in response.

"I didn't survive this long by ignoring my instincts, you know. You're lying about how you found out, and I need the truth."

The girl pushes herself off his shoulder and curls up into a defensive position, hands wrapped around her knees.

"Do you trust me, sensei?"

"Yeah," Kakashi confirms, watching her warily.

"Do you trust that I wouldn't do anything to knowingly endanger Konoha?"

"Yes," he responds, head tilting in consideration.

"Then know that I can't tell you. Let me have this secret," his student asks him, hands still wrapped around her knees. He looks at his little monster, looks at the wariness in her eyes and the way she picks at her clothes, and bites back a sigh.

"Alright. Just know that you can tell me when you're ready."

She brightens at that, aiming a teary smile at him, and Kakashi suddenly realizes something's off.

Giving into temptation, he throws himself on the ground dramatically and aims an unimpressed glare at the sun shining above him.

One of the best shinobi in the world and he just got played by a genin.


End file.
